So have you landed at Heathrow or Gatwick? If it was at Heathrow you've likely already discovered the London Underground or "Tube" and have arrived at Victoria Station. If you came in from Gatwick you took the train but you're still at Victoria. So next plan is to find your hotel. If you have been before you'll just take the Tube wherever you need to go and if not you may as well find the Taxi Rand and grab yourself a cab. Oh just take a cab and have a proper London Cabbie experience. Don't forget they drive on the "wrong" (left) side and if you are crossing the street look right and then left. (You will screw this up on the first day and if you're lucky you will survive).

Okay so you've found your room (B&B or hotel), dropped your luggage and had a cuppa (tea that is). Now what? There's a million and one things to do and you've got about 3 days. Of course if it's early evening just find a nice pub and have a pint and retire early so you're ready and raring to go in the morning.

Here's a little tour just for you. I have added links to the best websites and included the closest Underground station.

* Blue is the place, red is the station.

Learn about English history and see the Crown Jewels. Beware of ghosts! Expect line-ups (queues) but they do move quickly. Your purse will be searched before entering.

Time required - Allow a full day

Opening times: Monday-Saturday 9:30am-5:00pm

Facilites: Cafe and a Restaurant

See the changing of the guards and if you're lucky maybe you'll see the Queen drive by.

Opening times: They vary throughout the year. I will give you up till Aug 99.

The Royal Mews: Wed (Jan 1-March 25), Noon -4pm with last entry at 3:30pm.

Tues-Thurs (March 26-Aug 4), Noon-4pm with last entry at 3:30pm.

The Queen's Gallery - Every day except Christmas, Boxing Day and Good Friday from 9:30am-4:30pm with last admission by 4:00pm.

Cost:

* Under four years is free

Facilites: Gift shop

So you saw the silly guards and tried to make them smile (you rotten thing you). You have taken several pictures and been to the gift shop. Now cross over to St James Park and stroll through the park. At the end of the park you will find yourself at Trafalgar Square home to a bunch of incontinent pigeons (got your brolly handy?). Okay so it's time to cross the road and you still haven't seen any zebras at the zebra crossings. In England it's pronounced "Zeh-bra" not "Zee-bra". You've got more photos of you feeding the birds (bad idea the feeding) and now you see the National Portrait Gallery. Hmmm.........perhaps a spot of lunch (find a pub) and then spend the afternoon looking at the wonderful paintings by many of the old masters.

Opening times: Monday-Saturday 10:00am-6:00pm and Sunday 12pm-6pm

Cost: Free (wow!)

Facilities: The Portrait Cafe and a Gallery gift shop

Hey what about Westminster Abbey and Big Ben and the Parliament Buildings and Harrods and Hampton Court and Windsor Castle and Piccadilly and .................................Okay slow down there cowboy. Let's see what all we can pack in here.

So you've gotten to Victoria Station. Now you go outside and across the street you should find lots of double decker buses. Make sure you sit up top and take yourself on a nice city of London tour. They'll show you where all those famous spots are and you can click away with your camera. This should only take 1-2 hours and then you've still got you're whole afternoon left. Now I'm going to divide you into groups. I have also included a few important codes. "BTDT" means "Been There, Done That". "BTDTGTSM" means "Been There, Done That, Got The Souvenir Mug". Alistair Bear loves his souvenir mugs (I got 260 now).

The Museumaholic - Okay here is a full list with descriptions. Knock yourself out.

Imperial War Museum - BTDT

London Transport Museum - BTDT

Science Museum - BTDT

Museum of the Moving Image - BTDTGTSM

The Funaholic - (that's me):

Fun to me is anything that others may not do on a regular trip to London. Want to scare yourself silly ?

How about a picture with your favourite film celebrity at:

Seen Sherlock Holmes lately? Why not visit:

Yup they have a few of those too. Those things with grass and flowers and such.

St James Park

Hyde Park - (not very well hidden though....ha, ha. Alistair made a joke!). There's a zoo here too.