You Can't Chop It Down

I remember the old days, when all people wanted was to have their wrinkles smoothed out, or a bit lopped off their nose, or a cleft in their chin, or something. That was easy enough to do.

But then there was that study, that showed that symmetry was what people were really looking for. So suddenly I had to move people's eyes over a quarter-inch, or extend their mouth, or lower their ears.

Nobody could explain, though, how some people with truly asymmetric faces were still considered attractive. Until finally they found there might be a genetic basis for it--we could somehow instinctively recognize people whose genes would be 'compatible' with ours. What that meant, they weren't sure. But they did figure out how to determine what genetic pattern they were looking for.

So suddenly I had women coming in with a gene-pattern(pirated, but that wasn't hard, at least for the ones who could afford me in the first place), and saying, "Make me look like this." After the first few, I started keeping track, pirating a few celebrity genescans myself, so I could tell who wanted to throw themselves at Brian Bonsall, who at Chauncey Pest, etc. Or, contrariwise, Christina Ricci or Delphina Nunn. Though somehow there weren't as many men who came in.

I started to run a side-business in taking people's genescans and conjuring up the picture of their Perfect Mate. People could pictures of who they wanted up on our dating service. Boy, did people eat it up.

And my profession is actually more interesting now than it used to be. I hope they don't come up with a new theory too soon...

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The Den of Ubiquity/ Aaron V. Humphrey / alfvaen@gmail.com