Grooveydom's
Alt.Fun.With.Luc's
Bovine Domination Chronicles

I blame those methane producing Nazi bovines. They killed the ozone I tell you! They'll destroy us all and conquer Earth!!! (And you thought they were innocent little cud chewers.)

Prepare for the Bovine Onslaught! They're secretly backed by major multinational corporations! They'll torture your children! The.....

[This message has been interupted by the Bovine Media Watch (BMW) due to a security violation of the Grand Empire (GE) by the message poster. He has been... taken care of. You may continue you message perusal without any concern for your safety and well being. Everything is under control. Have a nice day. :) -BMW]

[A CBS SPECIAL REPORT]

Good evening.
The United States has been overtaken by a radical group of methane-emitting cows tonight. For more on the story, here is Bill Plante in Washington.
Bill, what is the status of the coup at this point?

[Bill Plante in front of the Capitol steps]

Dan, nothing much is known about the bovine element that has taken over the three branches of the federal government save for the fact that their leader is known as "Bossie," their tactical paramilitary wing goes by the name of the Bovine Defense Militia, and that they have scrapped our constitutional form of government in favor of a Canadian-style parliamentary system which appears to have an inordinate vested interest in continued dairy subsidies. Those who resist them are apparently subjected to a burst of methane-flatulence, so compliance is nearly total at the moment.

The seizure of power by methane-excreting cows now appears to be complete not only here in Washington, but in every major American city. Not everyone is opposed to the bovine hegemony, of course. Some in Los Angeles have commented that, with the addition of the methane gas to the atmosphere, breathability of the air has increased considerably. But generally the reaction has been one of understandable terror. McDonalds, furthermore, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Since cows dominate every corner of this land tonight, the new bovine parliamentary ridings have returned members, and America has its first Prime Minister, Jean Cowtien, an affable enough fellow, though some consider him to be a bum steer. Newt Gingrich remains in opposition, and is now leader of the Not A Cow Party.

Some are speculating that this dastardly power grab has a connection to the interests of one Ontario man, whose lust for cheese apparently has driven him to aid in the overthrow of a neighboring sovereign nation. A confluence of interests between a nation run by tools of the dairy industry and one lone individual who really, really likes cheese, appears obvious to most of the conspiracy theorists we at CBS News have consulted.

The United States, which has also, according to Queen Bossie's royal decree, been renamed Cowland, will be placed under "temporary" martial law. This will last until Her Heiferness gives her Beefy Assent to the programme of the new government.

This item just in...the province of Quebec in Canada has apparently formed a separatist coalition government and allied itself with Cowland in what is apparently a strategy of "sovereignity-association" with the new Cow Commonwealth. Lucien Bouchard of the newly-named Bloc Cowbecois has declared the new coalition an opportunity for Francophones to "be masters of their own house, a land of milk and honey...well, milk, anyway..."

Dan?

[Dan Rather has been replaced by Cownie Chung] We will keep you posted if there are any udder developments. Now back to the CBS Friday Night Mooooooovie. (*cowbell*) That is all, citizens.