Sarge: Should I fall on the field of battle I will not die, but merely regroup with my fellow soldiers in the afterlife.

JMD: Did your fascination with warfare begin as rebellion against your parents? I'm sure everyone would like to know a little bit about them.

Sarge: My mother was a rocket, my father, a grenade.

JMD: Actually your mom and dad ran a health food store didn't they?

Sarge: My grandparents and their parents and their parents before them all died gloriously on the feild of battle. I only regret my own parents turned away from the military. Treacherous dogs. They failed to see the value of extreme violence and widespread destruction.

beautiful senorita in Matagalpa. She was breath-takingly gorgeous, but also kind of a slut.

JMD: I'm not sure our readers need to hear about that.

Sarge: It wasn't a problem, I spent the next three months or so on a variety of penicillins and anti-bacterial ointments and that cleared up most of the infections and rashes.

JMD: That's... good to hear.

Sarge: There was some minor scarring but nothing too serious. The worst part was the puss filled-

JMD: Let's move on, shall we? When you were fifteen you came back in time for the release of your parents

JMD: Is that why you had them sent to prison?

Sarge: Negative. They were stealing satellite T.V. so I had to turn them in.

from prison but it wasn't long before you were on your own again and with the new last name "McKillem". What happened?

Sarge: It was nice being all together again in the same house, even if they

JMD: Didn't you feel guilty about sending your parents to jail for three years?

Sarge: Absolutely not, stealing satellite signals is a crime just like developing biological weapons or hunting disabled Nuns for sport.

JMD: That sounds a little extreme.

Sarge: I saw it in a television commercial so I know it's true. Those poor satellite T.V. companies.

JMD: So, you're twelve years old, your parents are locked up and won't be out for some time, and you can't join the military for another six years. What did you do?

Sarge: Well sir, while I awaited the release of my parents from prison I spent time with the freedom fighters in Nicaragua and Costa Rica. I learned many valuable lessons from carpet bombing to advanced pointy stick tactics.

JMD: Sounds like you had quite an interesting time.

Sarge: When I was fourteen I lost my flower to a

were a bunch of namby-pambies. Things were alright for a while but then my parents kept trying to kill me. You know, poison in my food, scorpions in my bed, sniper fire from the top of the garage, that kind of thing. After a string of nearly successful attempts I decided it would be best if I moved out of the house and started a new life with a new identity. McKillem seemed like a good name at the time, but when I got older I changed it back.

JMD: And three years after moving out you were finally able to enlist.

Sarge: That's right Jim. Finally I had the freedom to kill without suffering from the social stigma usually associated with such a hobby.

JMD: You are widely recognized as the father of modern cybernetics with ground breaking work on, well, your fellow soldiers. You began modifying them some years ago and it wasn't long before Privates Grif and Simmons were more machine than men. This caused considerable fall-out amongst advocacy groups and even Amnesty International, what made you take such drastic measures?

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