Wacky Jokes
Q: What did the Grape say after being hit by a car ?
A: Nothing... it just gave out a little Wine !
Q: Who invented the first champagne with NO bubbles ?
A: Dumb Perignon
A Horse walks into a bar and orders a Beer. The bartender says...
"Why the long face" !
A Gorilla walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman says,
"That'll be $5.00 please". A little later, trying to make
conversation the barman says, "We don't get many Gorillas coming in
here". The Gorilla replies..."I'm not surprised at these prices"!
A Three legged dog walks into a salloon, orders a beer and says, "I'm
looking for the man who shot my PAW" !
2 Hydrogen atoms meet for a beer at the local pub. One says, "I think
I lost an electron". The other says, "Are you sure?". The first
answers, "I'M POSITIVE"
A Favour
Two old Irishmen were holding up the bar at the local pub,
reminiscing and drinking, as they were wont to do, when one became
quite melancholy and asked his friend, "Sean, when my time comes and
I pass on, can ye do me a favour?"
His friend replies, "Liam, you've been my friend for nigh on
thirty years...just ask and I'll do it for you. What would you like
me to do?" The first one said, "Sean, on me mantelpiece at home is an
old, old bottle of fine Irish whiskey. When they bury me, would you
be mindin' it if ye poured it over me grave?"
And the second one gravely replies, "Liam, you know I'll be
honored to do as you ask, but I'm wonderin'... would you mind if I
passed it through me kidneys first?"
- Donated by Deb, Wine tasters medal of
courage and Berner friend in Saskatchewan
Adrift in a Lifeboat
Two Irishmen, Patrick
and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through
the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly
hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie,
however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard
three.
Without giving much
thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean
into Guinness!"
The genie clapped his
hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned
into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the
genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping
of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered
their circumstances.
Michael looked
disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long,
tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going
to have to pee in the boat."
- Donated by Wanda, Wine
tasters medal of courage and berner friend in Rocky Mtn
House