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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Truck Trouble
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last
longer
during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He
couldn't
do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that
was too open.
Heconsidered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.Finally,
he realized his solution.
On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got
out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer
to orgasm,
he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.Not wanting to lose
his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while
you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes
ago."
Traffic Summons
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a
minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour
after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the
judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day
and
he would have to return the next day.
"What for?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared,
"Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."