Page three
A Vancouverite walks into a bar leans over to the guy next to him and
says, "Wanna hear an Edmonton joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know
something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm from Edmonton. The guy
sitting next to me is 6'2" tall,
weighs 225, and he's from Edmonton. The fella next to him is 6'5"
Tall, weighs 250, and he's from Edmonton too.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke? "
The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."


The following were actually taken from recent classified ads in
newspapers:
>>
>>----------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
>>----------------------------
 AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
>>-----------------------------
>>SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
>>ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
>>-------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG
>>------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
>>1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
>>------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1998 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
>>-------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...  ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
>>--------------------------------
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
>>---------------------------------
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
>>---------------------------------
>>FREE PUPPIES:
>>1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
>>1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
>>-----------------------------------
>>FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
>>8 YEARS OLD.  UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
>>----------------------------------
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
>>89 cents
>>-----------------------------------
>>GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED.  SPEAKS GERMAN.  FREE.
>>-----------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.  20 YR WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW.  SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
>>-----------------------------------
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF
>>3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
>>---------------------------------
FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
>>-----------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED.  CALL CHUBBIE
>>-------------------------------------
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
>>--------------------------------------
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
>>--------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.  LOOKS LIKE A RAT...  BEEN OUT AWHILE..  BETTER BE REWARD.
>>---------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
>>----------------------------------------
GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
>>-----------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
>>-----------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES- CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
>>------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED
>>-------------------------------------------
>>FREE: FARM KITTENS.  READY TO EAT.
>>------------------------------------------
AMERICAN FLAG - 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
>>-------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?  WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.  STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
>>---------------------------------------------
NOTICE:  TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR
SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED.  PUMPKIN MAYBE
RADIOACTIVE.  ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.
>>------------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS-$175.
>>-------------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
>>-------------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!  MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
>>------------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
>>------------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
>>--------------------------------------------
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
>>------------------------------
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
>>----------------------------------
BAR S SLICED BALOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2
----------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON- FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
--------------------------------------
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
----------------------------------------------
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.


Mother of Six
=================
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.  He is so proud of
himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her,objections.
One night they go to a party.  The man decides that it's time to go home,and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.  He shouts at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back...
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and
removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I
fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an
offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it
or not, as he chooses."The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb,
laid it on the bench, and walked out.



 And now for page four.