The National Temperature Conversion Guide:
10C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat.
Saskatchewanians plant gardens.
5C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Regina people sunbathe.
3C = Italian cars won't start. Regina people drive with the windows down.
0C = Distilled water freezes. Regina water gets thicker
-5C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves and wool hats.
Saskatchewanians throw on a t-shirt.
-10C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Saskatchewanians go swimming.
-20C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat.Saskatchewanians have the
last cookout before it gets cold.
-25C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Saskatonians lick flagpoles.
-30C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Regina people throw on a light jacket.
-40C = Hamilton disintegrates. Regina people rent some videos.
-60C = Mt. St. Helens freezes. Regina Girl Scouts begin
selling cookies door to door.
-80C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the arctic. Saskatoon
Boy Scouts postpone
"Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-100C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Regina people
pull down their earflaps.
-114C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Regina people get frustrated
when they can't, thaw the keg.
-183C = Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Saskatchewan cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
-273C = ALL atomic motion stops. Saskatchewan people start
saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"
-300C = Hell freezes over. The Saskatchewan Roughriders win the Grey Cup
There's a bear and a rabbit in the woods and they come across a golden
frog, they think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more
amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he doesn't
often meet people, but when he does he gives them six wishes. He tells
The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be
female. Which the frog immediately does.
The rabbit after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one
appears, which he places on his head.
The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish, he asks
that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well, and thus it is so!
The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle, it appears
before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine. The
bear cannot believe it, he remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted
two wishes that he could have had for himself.
Shaking his head, he makes his final wish, 'That all the other bears in
the world be female as well.' The frog replies that it has been done and
they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish.
The rabbit revs up the engine and thinks for a second, and then says,"I
wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can!