New Jokes

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab
 and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles
 he asks the driver what the monkey is for.

The driver says "I'll show you" and with that he hits the
 monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature
 rolling across the dash.

The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his
 pants, pulls out his unit and proceeds to give the trucker head.
 When finished ,the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up,
 puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard.

 "See that" said the trucker.
 The man said "Yeah".
The trucker ask the man "You want to try it?"

 The man said "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!"


Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla: "How do
you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says  "d-u-m-b, dumb"

The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence."
She says "Buckwheat is dumb" .

Now spell "stupid".
Darla says "s-t-u-p-i-d, stupid".

The teacher says, "very good, now use it in a sentence.
Darla says "Buckwheat is stupid."

When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, spell
dictate."
Buckwheat stands and says "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate".
The teacher says, "very  good, now use it in a sentence."

"I may be dumb, and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"


Subject: The Golfers
 

Four married guys go golfing over the weekend and on Sunday during
the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:

First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come
out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint
every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will
build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife
that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy
has not said a word, so one of them asks him, "You haven't said
anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.
What's the deal?"

 Fourth Guy: "That's easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it
goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a poke and say, "Golf
Course or Intercourse?" and she says, 'Wear your sweater.'

New Jokes page one
 

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