There was once a Scotsman and
an Englishman who lived next door
to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would
look in his garden and pick up one of his hens eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden
and saw that the hen had laid
an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door
when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg.
The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman
and told him that the egg
belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed
because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until
finally the Scotsman said, In my
family we normally solve disputes by the following actions:
"I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get
back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it
takes for me to get up, whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Englishman agreed to this
and so the Scotsman found his
heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back,
then ran toward the Englishman and kicked as hard as he could
right between his legs.
The Englishman fell to the floor
clutching himself and howling
n agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Englishman stood
up and said,
"Now its my turn to kick you."
The Scotsman said, "Keep the damn egg."
( 1) Los Angeles, CA. Ani
Saduki, 33, and his
brother decided to remove a bees nest from a shed
on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A
pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the
explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite.
They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from
inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away
from the hive/shed.
The concussion of the explosion shattered the window
inwards, Seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr.
Saduki need stitches, the brothers headed out to go
to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their
car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving
bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was
allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation
enroute to the hospital.
( 2) Derrick L. Richards, 28,
was charged in
April in Minneapolis with third-degree murder in
the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.
Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a
game of Russian roulette and put a semiautomatic
pistol (instead of the more traditional revolver)
to Ken's head and fired.
( 3) Phillipsburg, NJ.
An unidentified 29
year old male choked to death on a sequined
pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer
at a local establishment. "I didn't think he was
going to eat it," the dancer identified only as
adding "He was really drunk."
( 4) In February, according to
Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor,
33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were
playing with their snowmobiles.
( 5) MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security
asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were
guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if
it would protect him against a knife attack.
It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a
( 6) In France, Jacques
nothing to chance when he decided to commit
suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end
of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison
and set fire to his clothes.
He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet
missed him completely and cut through the rope above
him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
The sudden dunking extinguished the flames
and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out
of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to
a hospital, where he died of hypothermia.
( 7) RENTON, Washington,
USA. On February 3,1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to
commit a robbery.
This was probably his first attempt, as suggested
by the fact that he had no previous record of
violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as
The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a
shop was full of customers, in a
state where a substantial portion of the adult
population is licensed to carry concealed handguns
in public places.
3. To enter the shop,
he had to step around
a marked Police patrol car parked at the front door.
4. An officer in
uniform was standing next
to the counter, having coffee before reporting to
duty. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire,
removing him from the gene pool. Several other
customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire.
No one else was hurt.
1999 DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE
( 1) Gulf
Breeze, Florida, three unidentified
teenage males were using a home video camera to
film an action/adventure "movie" one of the boys
had written. In a scene that called for each
character to be ignited by fire, the "special
effects coordinator," age 15, prepared the "stunt"
youth by dousing lighter fluid onto his
clothes. The intentional fire, which proved
unexpectedly difficult to extinguish, left the young
man with third degree burns on his left arm, torso,
and both legs. It was all captured on film.
>> >> >
( 2) In Bradford, PA, J. Cruwe, 28, caught a
small snake in a container which he handed to his
wife. She opened the container and, startled to
see the snake, dropped it. The excited and poisonous
snake immediately bit Mr.Cruwe on the shin.
Mr. Cruwe survived the wound and recovered after a
short visit to the local emergency room.
( 3) In rural Carbon County,
PA, a group of
men were drinking beer and discharging firearms
from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving
Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a
raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer
apparently impaired their aim and, despite the
estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped
into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet
away from Mr.Michaels' deck.
Determined to terminate the animal, Mr.
Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured
some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal
out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite
the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel
can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to
no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the
determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first
approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss
The subsequent rapidly
propelled Mr.Michaels back the way he had come,
though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited
the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a
submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden,
31. Mr. Michaels was launched
directly over his own home, right over the heads of
his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In
all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air.
"There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew
McFadden reported, "followed by a loud thud."
Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It
was actually pretty cool," Michaels said,
"Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon
at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I
wouldn't get hurt."
( 4) TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham had been
drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
middle of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. The
conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at
4:30 a.m. Upon investigation, no one had brought
Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was
secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was
tied to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and pulled his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the frigid
waters of the Tacoma Narrows and Puget Sound and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say,"
said Bingham, "Is that God was watching out for me
on that night. There's just no other explanation
for it." Bingham's severed foot was never located.
Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a
Japanese trawler were plucked out of the Sea of
Japan clinging to the wreckage of their sunken ship.
Their rescue, however, was followed by immediate
imprisonment once authorities questioned the sailors
on their ship's loss. To a man they claimed that a
cow, falling out of a clear blue sky, had struck
the trawler amidships, shattering its hull and sinking
the vessel within minutes.
They remained in prison for several weeks,
until the Russian Air Force reluctantly informed
Japanese authorities that the crew of one of its
cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow wandering at
the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow into
the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home.
Unprepared for live> cargo, the Russian crew was
ill-equipped to manage a now rampaging cow within its hold.
To save the aircraft and themselves, they shoved
the animal out of the cargo hold as they crossed
the Sea of Japan at an altitude of 30,000 feet.
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