Page three

This guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a
date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it.

After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up.This
way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.
He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her
it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house.
When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.
He kicks her in the face.

An elderly gentleman came home one night to find a homeless girl of
about eighteen ransacking the place. He grabbed her by the arm and
was just about to call the police when the girl dropped down on her
knees and pleaded, "Please don't call the police, mister, oh please!!
If you don't, I'll let you make love to me and do whatever you want
with my body!"
The old man thought for a moment and decided to give in. Soon they
were naked and in bed together. The old man tried and tried harder,
but finally, he rolls over, exhausted, and embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, young lady...but it's no use," he gasped... "I'm afraid
I'm going to have to call the police after all."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  "Do
you need some help?"  I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have
replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get
into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience
store) would have a battery for this?" "Hmmm, I dunno.  Do you have
an alarm, too?"  I asked. "No, just this remote 'thingy,'"
she answered, handing it
 and the car keys to me. As I took the key and
manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over
there and check about the batteries; it's a long walk."

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.  One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out
of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," he told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece
of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system
administrator trying to restore it.  He inserted a CD and needed to
type a path name to a directory named "i386."  He started to type it
and paused, asking me "Where's the key for that line thing?"  I
asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one
that looks  like an upside-down exclamation mark. "I replied, "You
mean the letter 'i?" and he said, "Yeah, that's it!"

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large new motor home
was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need
of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

And, one addition from a friend: She's been doing temp work at
various offices. At one place she became the resident expert on the
photocopy machine. One day there was a big backup.  She went over to
help and found that no one knew how to stop the copier from
"punching" three holes down the side of each copy. She opened the
paper tray, removed the three-hole paper and solved the problem.

 And now for page four.