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A rather confident man, walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman.  He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at
his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
 "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was
 just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch?  What's so special
 about it?"
 "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I
am wearing panties!"
And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

 Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation.
When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.  When he gets
back She says, "Honey, put them here between my thighs and that will warm
them up.
After lunch he goes out to chop some more wood and comes back and says
 again, "Man, my hands are really freezing!"  She says again, "Well, put them
  here between my thighs and warm them up."  He does and again that warms him up.
After dinner he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them
 the night.  When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really
 She looks at him and says: "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever
get  cold?"

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking
beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at
the man, "You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied, "I am.  That's why she cuts the grass!"

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid.
The office worker axed her,
"How many children do you have?"  "Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
LeRoy, LeRoy,and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked
"What if you want them to come in from
playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,
'and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do
something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

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