DATING: The process of spending
enormous amounts of
money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with
a person whom you don't especially like in the present
and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals
of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to
communicate to a man that she is interested in him.
Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty
looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily
due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that
a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance
who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her
INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which
is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities
that initially attract two people to each other turn
into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to
do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossibleto fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with aparticular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny,
but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears
to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically
launch dead chickens at the
windshields of airliners, military jets and the
space shuttle, all
traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to
simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test
the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun
eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked
as the chicken hurtled
out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof
shield, smashed it to
smithereens, blasted through the control console,
snapped the engineer's
backrest in two and embedded itself in the back
wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous
results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield, and
begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
The second guy says, "I was worried
about my son too
because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor.
Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned
salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate
firm. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his
best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you.
My son started
out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he's
so rich that he just gave HIS best friend a million in
stocks for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the can.
The first 3
explain that they are telling stories about their kids,
so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that my son
is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a
hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years.
In fact, I just found out that he's gay and has SEVERAL
boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side: his
boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house,
and a million in stocks for his birthday."
Link for animated jokes that i dont have room for here