Page Five
Something to do for summer vacation

Dictionary Of Dating

 DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of
money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with
a person whom you don't especially like in the present
 and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals
of a man.
 EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to
communicate to a man that she is interested in him.
Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty
looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily
 due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that
a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance
who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her
totally unappealing.
 INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which
 is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities
 that initially attract two people to each other turn
 into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to
do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossibleto fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with aparticular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny,
 but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears
to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.



Sometimes it DOES take a rocket scientist:

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to
 launch dead chickens at the
 windshields of airliners, military jets and the
 space shuttle, all
traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to
simulate the frequent
 incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test
 the strength of the windshields.

 British engineers heard about the gun and were
eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains.
Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the
 British engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked
as the chicken hurtled
out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof
shield, smashed it to
 smithereens, blasted through the control console,
 snapped the engineer's
backrest in two and embedded itself in the back
 wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
 The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous
 results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield, and
 begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.
NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."



 Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves
  for a bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first
  guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a
  loser because he started out washing cars for a local
  dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made
  him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought
  the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he
 just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his
  birthday."

  The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too
  because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor.
  Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned
  salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate
  firm. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his
 best friend a new house for his birthday."

  The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started
  out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he's
 so rich that he just gave HIS best friend a million in
  stocks for his birthday."

  The fourth guy comes back from the can. The first 3
  explain that they are telling stories about their kids,
 so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that my son
  is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a
 hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years.
  In fact, I just found out that he's gay and has SEVERAL
 boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side: his
 boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house,
 and a million in stocks for his birthday."


Link for animated jokes that i dont have room for here

 Start Page