All of creation
is one long sigh
of loneliness;
how vast, eternity-

I wager loneliness
and pray I lose
my heart.

November 15, 2002

Starshine

Your anger rides the winter wind,
pressing between us as day changes out
of her gold armor, putting on night.
Empty streets amplify the icy
click of sudden desolation,
you wake night with your heels.

Tearing my gaze from your silhouette,
hell sparkles above us in the cold
distance between stars. Absolutes
extricated from insufficient evidence:
the sun has always risen,
you will answer my call.

I have tried to span eternity,
building a bridge of light;
forever reaching forward, always
receding, receding,
I flash across your sky.
October 22, 2002

Sunday Morning

"Another rough night?" you ask
while passing toast and coffee.
Up twice (age-weakened bladder), backache
allowing for a fitful rest at best.

The morning paper is divided; you follow
business trends while I read yesterday's
scores. The news never changes.
Squirrels are stealing from the feeder again-
grass needs cutting-are we going
for groceries today? Beth has to work
this weekend. Again.

The robins have left their nest-
Last night I saw the raccoons had all grown
and were searching their own cans-
Gail said their Katia's left for school.

I finish my coffee while watching you
clear the table, wondering what
keeps us together now the children
have flown to build their own nests,
and their own distances?
October 12, 2002

One Bear Dreaming

Standing waist deep in wheat with curled
lip, growl guards the two young cubs
hidden beneath her feet. I watch Ma bear
from the safety of my

dream. Walking dim halls of love
I stare at vivid impressionistic paintings;
who was this? First grade first crush
first loss, first heart break. First

smoke of the day, smoke curls
high and the voice echoes drawing
me back to earth to hear dread
rise from lips long sealed by death.

Ma bear rises to wave farewell
as I drive into the city, tux
my uniform (I am going to meet
her) lost I ride the bus gawking

at Ma bear who recites Pound
deep growl shake and purple her voice,
passion for favorite poets rising
demanding that I change

scenes as the plane
slowly circles the runway, deep
within a jungle of wheat
Ma bear reaches up to touch
my leg.
July 21, 2002

Summer Fair

mad striations gyre the sky
taste the pink dawn, cotton candy sick-
stop this ride, I want off-
pounding the frozen panic button
I hurtle like love into the gray mist

the ghost of I picks at I
feasting on gore and sorrow
unfurled black faux leather wings
ripple in the Sirocco of ego
distortions shimmer, mirrors conceal
reflections of dreams cover the exit;
there is no exit, not here.
clowns in garish makeup mock and gawp
sideshow extra, candy apple prop.

the fair is over, another summer ends,
garbage scurries across empty fairgrounds
clinging to faint echoes of screams and laughs.
July 19, 2002



Reality hides
Behind emotions
Disguised as truth.
My eyes lie;
This is not fair
This is life.

Behind the curtain of trees
Lies nothing;
Barren is Spring's word,
Lush deceptive mockery.

Contentment lifts like
Fog in the early dawn;
The deep bass of the horn
Still vibrates bones on ligaments;
Freeing the night's fantasy.
June 24, 2002

Need

Your breath lifted the lock of hair
from my dreaming brow, tracing
the bridge of nose to feather
across slowly parting lips. Whisper
into my lungs your love,
let me carry you within me.

Breath is life, and you are mine
now, tangled with mine now, and
all I am seeks to come to you who spread
restoration and release in one ecstatic

breath. My lips still taste of dawn
and the memory of our slow separation,
lingering, not wanting to part, not wanting
but needing union. Mingled in life
me in you, now you in me,
the inseparable divided one.

No look nor smile stole my heart,
yet I lost it and would know how;
you spoke such simple words
passing beyond hearing, straight
to the emptiness, and filled a need
unknown, no hope existed until you
slid into the gap between memory
and lust bringing more than and less
than any imagined concept of completeness.
Now I meditate upon us,
though no such thing exists, or ever was;
making the pain imagined worse, or not.
How can I tell when I am still lost
within those eyes that never looked
and the smile that still holds my heart.

The moon shines down upon us lifting
the basic need into surreal art of shadow
and unlit movement upon an invisible screen.
moans give way to cries; sated the need rises
consumed, devoured, the night becomes us.
No need beyond need, lips walk tongues
from toes to brows, linger in this dark
hollow grazing peaks and tasting more;
existing temporarily in this eternity
ecstasy lasts only a second renewed again
in the next touch, each denied by boundaries
but no boundary can be found that resists.
Love, desire, passion, clichés renewed
within this moon's brief glow.

words have no meaning, falling,
always falling into the silence
between two people. do you hear
what I speak? what words do you
call into this vastness, that deafened by my own need, I cannot hear?

I prayed and wished
And now that I have
I wish, and pray I had not.
June 24, 2002

Casus Belli

Break my heart.
I dare you;
remind me
life endures.
June 2, 2002

Lilac blooms fall soft
Bruising earth's mantle of rich
Loam, the fall of spring.
June 2, 2002

A Walk At Dawn

Dark Columbian mud opens my eyes
waking a need to smell life, to hear life.

The sun carries my sore feet up hill
while pressing me down, heavy with hot

strength, burning away last night's cold
a burnt circle on the hill's brow, a teenage

remnant, a ritual of maturation and power,
eating their souls before the ancient altar

they wake to the pregnant moment between
forgotten and ohmygod (with heads of proof)!

Dust of my grandfather's sweat rises pervading
my nostrils with the memory of his legacy which

sleeps fallow, awaiting a new plow. Nature
slowly reclaims hers, loaned but never sold.

Swamp birds wake a primeval desire and genetic
memory, soaking up sun in muck, hearing beauty

the poet crawls from the past rising to write
the first words of exploration and drive.

May 26, 2002

Patience

Across a sea of words she waits
An angel in her tower of purity;
Simple imagined perfection.

Separated by the medium of unity,
Connate souls, seeking solace in words,
Temporary intimacy in fleeting bytes.

Come walk with me through gardens of
Glowing multicolored garish detritus,
Play briefly with the fantasy of life.

We hold hands (though never touch)
And play the lover's game of
Innuendo and knowing laughs

Stretching across eternity.
Do you exist today, (really?)
Alone, lonely, grasping for life?
May 25, 2002

Shattered Beginnings

I grasp the cusp.
Monumental change floods
My soul is not as it was
And I am drowning in the
Emotional undertow.

Overwhelmed.
Momentarily confused;
Searching for a breath, just one,
To restore equilibrium
Give me feet to stand this wave.

Whirled round I am
Leviathan's bedtime snack.
Come eat my pain
Spit out the pit
Return my life.

Not this one
But another, the one
I held in last night's dream.
Filled with wistful desire
I held you close.
Once.
Before the alarm ended
What perfection began.

I drop the cusp;
Reach to pick up
Shattered pieces.
May 18, 2002


Too Young To Care

Maternal frustration stares at a son
who never reached for his full potential-
Did my adolescent cruelty hurt you
more than I can bear to know?
(But I was too young to care,
You were too young to fight.)


Did you stare at stars and dream
of passion's embrace, wake
and mourn for lost ideals
and weigh family against hope--
Were the meals of home the closest
we could get to revealing our love?
(But I was just beginning to care,
You were just beginning to fight.)


We never spoke of dreams and hope
(Much less of sex and God);
now you have gone too young
leaving me with questions--
In the end there was no time
for even a token farewell.
(Now I am too young to fight,
You have passed beyond care.)

May 18, 2002


A Father's Rest

He lies so frail.
My name lost to his pain
I cradle his love close
And remember:

Strong arms lifting me to the sun
Laughter and games and warmth
Soft words on summers breeze
Lessons learned in gentle peace.
I angered him plenty
Stubborn, headstrong, intelligence
Wasted on false dreams;
And he angered me
Stubborn, hidebound, intelligence
Wasted on future hopes.


Not this, not now.
Our tears mingle as we weep
For what was lost
In time, no today, no tomorrow
Yesterday alone beckons with hope
Come play with me in memory
More pleasant than this horrid reality.

First step, first word, first drink
Pleasure mingles with regret
The loon's cry a memory
Early morning fishing
Late night waiting for the tired return.


Rest well my father
In my memory you shall ever be
Strong hero, fearless and honourable
Not this empty shell wrapped
Between love and death's sheets.
May 18, 2002


The Accident

Crunch!


damn

Dazed I sit staring at the new hood
ornament. Power poles grow in ditches
but this one chose to jump out, rearrange
my truck's configuration, bend a grill,
dent a fender, destroy a headlight,
coffee cup remains intact, no drop spilt
change lays scattered over the floor
pennies and dimes mixed with newspaper
and wrappers, a lunch wasted;
no glass, no gas, no blood,
silence.

"Are you ok?"

give me a minute
surreal landscapes of swirling snow
power poles in ditches and the wrong question
the engine's cooling tick  punctuates the silence

Ok, I am ok, thank you.
Dead I would have given the same reply
Courtesy, always, and clean underwear.

Battered, the truck still trembles,
angled into the steep ditch
enfolding its love,
years we turned this corner
never once did I realize, 
sexy power pole held my truck
enrapt for the forbidden pleasure;
'Til now. now love has consumed
destroyed, and I see the smile .
sated, complete, fulfilled.

No life flash, no prayer
Where is the anger, the fear, the disgust?
Empty but for a realization,
I have lost the verse,
But found a poem. 
April 27, 2002


I saw an Angel

Dressed for joy with a
White bow in
blonde hair
white dress with
pretty white lace
white stockings and
white shoes held high,
head bowed,
She stares at her feet buried in spring,
A small smile yet flickers despite
The harangue mother flings from
The safety of concrete and maturity.
Mud squelches between stocking feet.
The echo of her joy yet whispers down
This sunny Sunday morning street.
Dressed for church she offers
Highest, brightest paean,
Love for the blessing of life;
white angel gowned
with white light
and cold muddy feet.
April 22, 2002


delicate breeze

scent enters first, faint bouquet
the wind of passage searching
tastes the neck, sending shivers
through toes. You touched my shoulder
whispered in my ear, arms descending
around my chest. Your breath
warmed my cheek.

Did my eyes open to swift?
Did my need frighten you?
Was I to rough, to cold?
demands beyond lust
lift my heart to turn;
endure the breeze.
April 21, 2002


Dreams Of Silver

The sun rose to kiss a fog muted world,
Melting the hoarfrost that blurs boundaries;
Harsh reality becomes a silver
Fantasy world, filled with heady spring scents,
Memories of youthful days, mud puddles,
And frogs in need of a boy's brilliant plan.

The eager youth wakes at dawn with a plan,
Sleep has brought spring, and altered the old world.
A love-starved frog from a lonely puddle
Sings of a new world without boundaries,
Dreaming of his new found lover's sweet scent
And surveys his kingdom limned in silver.

Seeking a pirates treasure of silver
The long night was spent creating a plan
Which would lead him to a frog's lonely scent.
Youthful exuberance creates a world
Of vision, magic, and no boundaries
Where seven seas exist in one puddle.

Boys have a fondness for frogs and puddles,
A treasure of more value than silver.
Sneaking up on the frog-king's boundaries
The sound of love eluded changes his plan,
Seeing the lordly ruler of his world,
Hands splash, grasping the frog, raising mud scent.

A brief thought about moms, frogs, and mud scent
Fade as from lonely to crowded puddle
He bears the newfound friend, to a larger world.
A slough dawn has changed to liquid silver,
Altering both boy and frog's daydreamt plan
Boy and once-king create new boundaries.

Splash! Diving deep to find life's boundaries,
Eyes widen as the mind reels to new scents,
Amid a multitude he grows a new plan:
Return with a wife to the quiet puddle
While the boy mines the sloughs marge for silver;
Both find joy in this newly-made world.

Beyond boundaries life flourishes in puddles,
The strong scent of home ends dreams of silver-
The plan succeeded though changing their world.
April 20, 2002


Winds

The winds of change,
Dead limpid breezes
Blowing neither hither or yon
Becalming my life in a limbo
Of rote existence and drear gray.



....haunted
Proud she owns the sidewalk
Each stride magnifies the smile,
Victory walks in flesh,
Through love or employment
Or simply a fine joke
This life has played that frees the step, or
Being that provides today's joy.
Dress billows in the cold wind
Long brown hair a gossamer streamer
Sprit of joy, soul of ecstasy, come
Share some of you beauty, smile
My way and lift the dark cloud.

Faith in the sun fades
I walk in this shadow by choice
Seeing the shine in others eyes
Knowing it is time, but unwilling
Ever unwilling to release the past.
This unrelenting winter wearies the soul
Spring lies hidden beneath the white
Eternal cold grips my soul in despair
And her smile haunts the day.

....dunes
The wind carved dunes far
Far from any sea, so cold
Bright, blinding, pure white
A memory, to recall one day
As the distant sea embraces one drop.

...the box
Beside the road, in a ditch
There lies a box,
Brown, battered, cardboard.
Winds lift a corner to reveal,
Was this my gift, or another's?
Did it hold the secret or only sustenance.
Though now it matters not,
Forgotten, ignored, a blight upon nature
Should I stop one day to see
Carry it from neglect to grave
Would it contain wealth?
Or simply nothing, no not hope.

...guns
The recoil holds a memory
Sexual orgasm no intimacy
Cept that which comes with death
Blood spurts and semen dries in winds
While stained hands paint a smile
Marking the child for memory.

....wake
I awoke from a dreamless sleep to dream
What need for the mind to build fancies
When the day is but a fantasy lived
Between the moment of waking and sleep.



And the winds of change remain calm
Neither blowing nor hinting
Of what comes in the storm
That lies on tomorrow's horizon.
April, 2002


Your Dream

A delicate breathe of fingers
Sweep clean a furrowed brow
Clearing the sleep fallen lock of hair,
Tracing lines created by care.
The moon lights eyes that flutter
Beneath sealed lids and I imagine

You dream of summer meadows
Clover effloresces and bees hum softly
Winging butterflies from flower to flower;
Naked we lie before the sun
Singing loves duet to the rhythm
Of the distant brook and desire.

You dream of raging storms
Lightning flash and thunder trembles.
Two hearts overwhelmed by passion
Ignore the winds bite and clasp,
Lips press tight joining the parted
Souls united by the promise inherent;
Rainbows shine on lovers wet and smiling.

You dream of roaring fires
Hot chocolate in tall glasses,
Bear rugs and flickering light
Across bare flesh separated
By a slight film of sweat
Ignited by desire the candle
Wavers and shakes.

You dream of moonlight and waking
To my smile, and your eyes open;
And I see love live;
My dream saturates your eyes.
April, 2002


It was not my fault

Locked in my bedroom again
Though it is not my fault
Mom is being unfair, again
Take a time out, a halt.

All I wanted was my fair share
Greedy guts I call a sister
Always gets so much more than I
My hunger did fester.

So I reached out to claim my share
Wail dear sister at justice
Mom saw no truth to my bold pleas
To bed, no hug no kiss.

Unloved, unwanted, I weep and cry
It is not my fault, ever
All alone no reason to try
My heart grief does sever.

But I sit here no kiss, no hug
Though it is not my fault
Mother came to tuck, kiss, and hug
She still loves me the best.
April, 2002



What do I invest my time upon?
A few moments for friends
Long tedious hours at work
A commute that bores
Some few minutes of sleep
And the cycle repeats.

What would I invest my time in?
More hours for friends.
Less time at work
Or work that I love
Travel, ah to see the world
One state, one province one day.
I would sleep beneath a sycamore
An oak, a weeping willow
Perhaps a giant red wood as well.
I would sit beneath an oval moon
And gaze at the bright stars
Love warm at my side
I would listen to a live concert
Watch the sun rise on the ocean
And see it set on a sea

Instead I while away the closing moments
Of another work day with dreams
Waiting for the moment I can flee
And seek refuge in the safety
Four walls and a leaky roof
Home sweet home, sweet sweet home.
April, 2002


All of creation
is one long sigh
of loneliness;
how vast, eternity-

I wager loneliness
and pray I lose
my heart.

November 15, 2002

Starshine

Your anger rides the winter wind,
pressing between us as day changes out
of her gold armor, putting on night.
Empty streets amplify the icy
click of sudden desolation,
you wake night with your heels.

Tearing my gaze from your silhouette,
hell sparkles above us in the cold
distance between stars. Absolutes
extricated from insufficient evidence:
the sun has always risen,
you will answer my call.

I have tried to span eternity,
building a bridge of light;
forever reaching forward, always
receding, receding,
I flash across your sky.
October 22, 2002

Sunday Morning

"Another rough night?" you ask
while passing toast and coffee.
Up twice (age-weakened bladder), backache
allowing for a fitful rest at best.

The morning paper is divided; you follow
business trends while I read yesterday's
scores. The news never changes.
Squirrels are stealing from the feeder again-
grass needs cutting-are we going
for groceries today? Beth has to work
this weekend. Again.

The robins have left their nest-
Last night I saw the raccoons had all grown
and were searching their own cans-
Gail said their Katia's left for school.

I finish my coffee while watching you
clear the table, wondering what
keeps us together now the children
have flown to build their own nests,
and their own distances?
October 12, 2002

One Bear Dreaming

Standing waist deep in wheat with curled
lip, growl guards the two young cubs
hidden beneath her feet. I watch Ma bear
from the safety of my

dream. Walking dim halls of love
I stare at vivid impressionistic paintings;
who was this? First grade first crush
first loss, first heart break. First

smoke of the day, smoke curls
high and the voice echoes drawing
me back to earth to hear dread
rise from lips long sealed by death.

Ma bear rises to wave farewell
as I drive into the city, tux
my uniform (I am going to meet
her) lost I ride the bus gawking

at Ma bear who recites Pound
deep growl shake and purple her voice,
passion for favorite poets rising
demanding that I change

scenes as the plane
slowly circles the runway, deep
within a jungle of wheat
Ma bear reaches up to touch
my leg.
July 21, 2002

Summer Fair

mad striations gyre the sky
taste the pink dawn, cotton candy sick-
stop this ride, I want off-
pounding the frozen panic button
I hurtle like love into the gray mist

the ghost of I picks at I
feasting on gore and sorrow
unfurled black faux leather wings
ripple in the Sirocco of ego
distortions shimmer, mirrors conceal
reflections of dreams cover the exit;
there is no exit, not here.
clowns in garish makeup mock and gawp
sideshow extra, candy apple prop.

the fair is over, another summer ends,
garbage scurries across empty fairgrounds
clinging to faint echoes of screams and laughs.
July 19, 2002



Reality hides
Behind emotions
Disguised as truth.
My eyes lie;
This is not fair
This is life.

Behind the curtain of trees
Lies nothing;
Barren is Spring's word,
Lush deceptive mockery.

Contentment lifts like
Fog in the early dawn;
The deep bass of the horn
Still vibrates bones on ligaments;
Freeing the night's fantasy.
June 24, 2002

Need

Your breath lifted the lock of hair
from my dreaming brow, tracing
the bridge of nose to feather
across slowly parting lips. Whisper
into my lungs your love,
let me carry you within me.

Breath is life, and you are mine
now, tangled with mine now, and
all I am seeks to come to you who spread
restoration and release in one ecstatic

breath. My lips still taste of dawn
and the memory of our slow separation,
lingering, not wanting to part, not wanting
but needing union. Mingled in life
me in you, now you in me,
the inseparable divided one.

No look nor smile stole my heart,
yet I lost it and would know how;
you spoke such simple words
passing beyond hearing, straight
to the emptiness, and filled a need
unknown, no hope existed until you
slid into the gap between memory
and lust bringing more than and less
than any imagined concept of completeness.
Now I meditate upon us,
though no such thing exists, or ever was;
making the pain imagined worse, or not.
How can I tell when I am still lost
within those eyes that never looked
and the smile that still holds my heart.

The moon shines down upon us lifting
the basic need into surreal art of shadow
and unlit movement upon an invisible screen.
moans give way to cries; sated the need rises
consumed, devoured, the night becomes us.
No need beyond need, lips walk tongues
from toes to brows, linger in this dark
hollow grazing peaks and tasting more;
existing temporarily in this eternity
ecstasy lasts only a second renewed again
in the next touch, each denied by boundaries
but no boundary can be found that resists.
Love, desire, passion, clichés renewed
within this moon's brief glow.

words have no meaning, falling,
always falling into the silence
between two people. do you hear
what I speak? what words do you
call into this vastness, that deafened by my own need, I cannot hear?

I prayed and wished
And now that I have
I wish, and pray I had not.
June 24, 2002

Casus Belli

Break my heart.
I dare you;
remind me
life endures.
June 2, 2002

Lilac blooms fall soft
Bruising earth's mantle of rich
Loam, the fall of spring.
June 2, 2002

A Walk At Dawn

Dark Columbian mud opens my eyes
waking a need to smell life, to hear life.

The sun carries my sore feet up hill
while pressing me down, heavy with hot

strength, burning away last night's cold
a burnt circle on the hill's brow, a teenage

remnant, a ritual of maturation and power,
eating their souls before the ancient altar

they wake to the pregnant moment between
forgotten and ohmygod (with heads of proof)!

Dust of my grandfather's sweat rises pervading
my nostrils with the memory of his legacy which

sleeps fallow, awaiting a new plow. Nature
slowly reclaims hers, loaned but never sold.

Swamp birds wake a primeval desire and genetic
memory, soaking up sun in muck, hearing beauty

the poet crawls from the past rising to write
the first words of exploration and drive.

May 26, 2002

Patience

Across a sea of words she waits
An angel in her tower of purity;
Simple imagined perfection.

Separated by the medium of unity,
Connate souls, seeking solace in words,
Temporary intimacy in fleeting bytes.

Come walk with me through gardens of
Glowing multicolored garish detritus,
Play briefly with the fantasy of life.

We hold hands (though never touch)
And play the lover's game of
Innuendo and knowing laughs

Stretching across eternity.
Do you exist today, (really?)
Alone, lonely, grasping for life?
May 25, 2002

Shattered Beginnings

I grasp the cusp.
Monumental change floods
My soul is not as it was
And I am drowning in the
Emotional undertow.

Overwhelmed.
Momentarily confused;
Searching for a breath, just one,
To restore equilibrium
Give me feet to stand this wave.

Whirled round I am
Leviathan's bedtime snack.
Come eat my pain
Spit out the pit
Return my life.

Not this one
But another, the one
I held in last night's dream.
Filled with wistful desire
I held you close.
Once.
Before the alarm ended
What perfection began.

I drop the cusp;
Reach to pick up
Shattered pieces.
May 18, 2002


Too Young To Care

Maternal frustration stares at a son
who never reached for his full potential-
Did my adolescent cruelty hurt you
more than I can bear to know?
(But I was too young to care,
You were too young to fight.)


Did you stare at stars and dream
of passion's embrace, wake
and mourn for lost ideals
and weigh family against hope--
Were the meals of home the closest
we could get to revealing our love?
(But I was just beginning to care,
You were just beginning to fight.)


We never spoke of dreams and hope
(Much less of sex and God);
now you have gone too young
leaving me with questions--
In the end there was no time
for even a token farewell.
(Now I am too young to fight,
You have passed beyond care.)

May 18, 2002


A Father's Rest

He lies so frail.
My name lost to his pain
I cradle his love close
And remember:

Strong arms lifting me to the sun
Laughter and games and warmth
Soft words on summers breeze
Lessons learned in gentle peace.
I angered him plenty
Stubborn, headstrong, intelligence
Wasted on false dreams;
And he angered me
Stubborn, hidebound, intelligence
Wasted on future hopes.


Not this, not now.
Our tears mingle as we weep
For what was lost
In time, no today, no tomorrow
Yesterday alone beckons with hope
Come play with me in memory
More pleasant than this horrid reality.

First step, first word, first drink
Pleasure mingles with regret
The loon's cry a memory
Early morning fishing
Late night waiting for the tired return.


Rest well my father
In my memory you shall ever be
Strong hero, fearless and honourable
Not this empty shell wrapped
Between love and death's sheets.
May 18, 2002


The Accident

Crunch!


damn

Dazed I sit staring at the new hood
ornament. Power poles grow in ditches
but this one chose to jump out, rearrange
my truck's configuration, bend a grill,
dent a fender, destroy a headlight,
coffee cup remains intact, no drop spilt
change lays scattered over the floor
pennies and dimes mixed with newspaper
and wrappers, a lunch wasted;
no glass, no gas, no blood,
silence.

"Are you ok?"

give me a minute
surreal landscapes of swirling snow
power poles in ditches and the wrong question
the engine's cooling tick  punctuates the silence

Ok, I am ok, thank you.
Dead I would have given the same reply
Courtesy, always, and clean underwear.

Battered, the truck still trembles,
angled into the steep ditch
enfolding its love,
years we turned this corner
never once did I realize, 
sexy power pole held my truck
enrapt for the forbidden pleasure;
'Til now. now love has consumed
destroyed, and I see the smile .
sated, complete, fulfilled.

No life flash, no prayer
Where is the anger, the fear, the disgust?
Empty but for a realization,
I have lost the verse,
But found a poem. 
April 27, 2002


I saw an Angel

Dressed for joy with a
White bow in
blonde hair
white dress with
pretty white lace
white stockings and
white shoes held high,
head bowed,
She stares at her feet buried in spring,
A small smile yet flickers despite
The harangue mother flings from
The safety of concrete and maturity.
Mud squelches between stocking feet.
The echo of her joy yet whispers down
This sunny Sunday morning street.
Dressed for church she offers
Highest, brightest paean,
Love for the blessing of life;
white angel gowned
with white light
and cold muddy feet.
April 22, 2002


delicate breeze

scent enters first, faint bouquet
the wind of passage searching
tastes the neck, sending shivers
through toes. You touched my shoulder
whispered in my ear, arms descending
around my chest. Your breath
warmed my cheek.

Did my eyes open to swift?
Did my need frighten you?
Was I to rough, to cold?
demands beyond lust
lift my heart to turn;
endure the breeze.
April 21, 2002


Dreams Of Silver

The sun rose to kiss a fog muted world,
Melting the hoarfrost that blurs boundaries;
Harsh reality becomes a silver
Fantasy world, filled with heady spring scents,
Memories of youthful days, mud puddles,
And frogs in need of a boy's brilliant plan.

The eager youth wakes at dawn with a plan,
Sleep has brought spring, and altered the old world.
A love-starved frog from a lonely puddle
Sings of a new world without boundaries,
Dreaming of his new found lover's sweet scent
And surveys his kingdom limned in silver.

Seeking a pirates treasure of silver
The long night was spent creating a plan
Which would lead him to a frog's lonely scent.
Youthful exuberance creates a world
Of vision, magic, and no boundaries
Where seven seas exist in one puddle.

Boys have a fondness for frogs and puddles,
A treasure of more value than silver.
Sneaking up on the frog-king's boundaries
The sound of love eluded changes his plan,
Seeing the lordly ruler of his world,
Hands splash, grasping the frog, raising mud scent.

A brief thought about moms, frogs, and mud scent
Fade as from lonely to crowded puddle
He bears the newfound friend, to a larger world.
A slough dawn has changed to liquid silver,
Altering both boy and frog's daydreamt plan
Boy and once-king create new boundaries.

Splash! Diving deep to find life's boundaries,
Eyes widen as the mind reels to new scents,
Amid a multitude he grows a new plan:
Return with a wife to the quiet puddle
While the boy mines the sloughs marge for silver;
Both find joy in this newly-made world.

Beyond boundaries life flourishes in puddles,
The strong scent of home ends dreams of silver-
The plan succeeded though changing their world.
April 20, 2002


Winds

The winds of change,
Dead limpid breezes
Blowing neither hither or yon
Becalming my life in a limbo
Of rote existence and drear gray.



....haunted
Proud she owns the sidewalk
Each stride magnifies the smile,
Victory walks in flesh,
Through love or employment
Or simply a fine joke
This life has played that frees the step, or
Being that provides today's joy.
Dress billows in the cold wind
Long brown hair a gossamer streamer
Sprit of joy, soul of ecstasy, come
Share some of you beauty, smile
My way and lift the dark cloud.

Faith in the sun fades
I walk in this shadow by choice
Seeing the shine in others eyes
Knowing it is time, but unwilling
Ever unwilling to release the past.
This unrelenting winter wearies the soul
Spring lies hidden beneath the white
Eternal cold grips my soul in despair
And her smile haunts the day.

....dunes
The wind carved dunes far
Far from any sea, so cold
Bright, blinding, pure white
A memory, to recall one day
As the distant sea embraces one drop.

...the box
Beside the road, in a ditch
There lies a box,
Brown, battered, cardboard.
Winds lift a corner to reveal,
Was this my gift, or another's?
Did it hold the secret or only sustenance.
Though now it matters not,
Forgotten, ignored, a blight upon nature
Should I stop one day to see
Carry it from neglect to grave
Would it contain wealth?
Or simply nothing, no not hope.

...guns
The recoil holds a memory
Sexual orgasm no intimacy
Cept that which comes with death
Blood spurts and semen dries in winds
While stained hands paint a smile
Marking the child for memory.

....wake
I awoke from a dreamless sleep to dream
What need for the mind to build fancies
When the day is but a fantasy lived
Between the moment of waking and sleep.



And the winds of change remain calm
Neither blowing nor hinting
Of what comes in the storm
That lies on tomorrow's horizon.
April, 2002


Your Dream

A delicate breathe of fingers
Sweep clean a furrowed brow
Clearing the sleep fallen lock of hair,
Tracing lines created by care.
The moon lights eyes that flutter
Beneath sealed lids and I imagine

You dream of summer meadows
Clover effloresces and bees hum softly
Winging butterflies from flower to flower;
Naked we lie before the sun
Singing loves duet to the rhythm
Of the distant brook and desire.

You dream of raging storms
Lightning flash and thunder trembles.
Two hearts overwhelmed by passion
Ignore the winds bite and clasp,
Lips press tight joining the parted
Souls united by the promise inherent;
Rainbows shine on lovers wet and smiling.

You dream of roaring fires
Hot chocolate in tall glasses,
Bear rugs and flickering light
Across bare flesh separated
By a slight film of sweat
Ignited by desire the candle
Wavers and shakes.

You dream of moonlight and waking
To my smile, and your eyes open;
And I see love live;
My dream saturates your eyes.
April, 2002


It was not my fault

Locked in my bedroom again
Though it is not my fault
Mom is being unfair, again
Take a time out, a halt.

All I wanted was my fair share
Greedy guts I call a sister
Always gets so much more than I
My hunger did fester.

So I reached out to claim my share
Wail dear sister at justice
Mom saw no truth to my bold pleas
To bed, no hug no kiss.

Unloved, unwanted, I weep and cry
It is not my fault, ever
All alone no reason to try
My heart grief does sever.

But I sit here no kiss, no hug
Though it is not my fault
Mother came to tuck, kiss, and hug
She still loves me the best.
April, 2002


My Investment

What do I invest my time upon?
A few moments for friends
Long tedious hours at work
A commute that bores
Some few minutes of sleep
And the cycle repeats.

What would I invest my time in?
More hours for friends.
Less time at work
Or work that I love
Travel, ah to see the world
One state, one province one day.
I would sleep beneath a sycamore
An oak, a weeping willow
Perhaps a giant red wood as well.
I would sit beneath an oval moon
And gaze at the bright stars
Love warm at my side
I would listen to a live concert
Watch the sun rise on the ocean
And see it set on a sea

Instead I while away the closing moments
Of another work day with dreams
Waiting for the moment I can flee
And seek refuge in the safety
Four walls and a leaky roof
Home sweet home, sweet sweet home.
April, 2002


Captive


Once one was held captive
By a wizard wizened and cruel
Dark grey dead the forest trees
Rose like skeletons bones from
White ashed barren soil
No wind dared blow to freshen the air
The sun hid behind lowering clouds
As it passed far overhead
While the new moon's light
Would hide stars from sight
No birds sang, no animals walked
Not even the feared insects
Spider cockroach and scorpion
Would approach the drear woods.

A knight approached while overhead
Angels did fly lighting the way
Unable to penetrate darkness with sword or wing
They stood without and began to sing
Sweet songs of love and light
Sad songs of sorrow and loss
Joy's songs of life and growth
Gradually the captive's heart began to open
Hearing hope in words softly sung
The sun peeked down on darkness
The moon looked on in wonder
As trees put forth new leaves
Watered by the captives now flowing tears
Birds came to join the chorus
Slowly the forest came to life
The rain fell releasing the final scent
Washing clean the captives pain

In anger the wicked wizard did battle
Harsh emotions of hate and horror
Sent to stop freedoms flight
But to no avail for once sighted
The captive would not be stayed
With calm cool acceptance
And the distant singing sound of love
He began the journey to life
Walking where none could open a path
He follows the sound of loves song
Though the wizard still battles strong.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Lonely existence


What solace for the broken heart?
Time
But time takes too long,
The pain is too real
Friends
To talk with, to hold a hug
Tight in warm caring eyes
The knowledge that alone
We are not alone.
Time
Heals the wounds
Friends
Are the band-aids of love.

Lonely existence
Emptiness extends forward
Further than behind, alone
Another reminds me of the
Deliberately forgotten solo flight
Love the impossible dream
No, love was a lie
She awoke in me the truth
The hope, the warmth, the desire
Now I await times fullness.

Mountain men had the life
Nothing but nature, alone
No fear of company, quiet.
Fear ruled me, still does some days
The recovery from social anxiety improves
Fear does not have the reins
I do.

Knowledge and growth can hurt
The pain is worth the lesson
Should we open our eyes
And learn.

Knowledge
Books hold a small portion
See the old man parked on the bench
He feeds the pigeons wisdom and bread
The child swinging holds an answer
Each question asked produces another
I seek not for knowledge now
I seek for the question without answer

Time goes,
One moment gained in loves eyes
One moment gained in friends hello
One moment gained in quiet contemplation
I brush a stray lock from your brow
Look deep into the blue of love
Lips feather across eyes closing
Whispered words peaceful sleep my love.
Hold the scented letter close
Tears of longing wet the page
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


The promise made


The promise made
Too weak
I could not keep it
I weep
For love delayed
The Queen of angels flies
Into the bright light of freedom
She woke the words
She woke the love within
She is first, best, last
Beauty, peace, gentleness
Life enriched beyond hope
My expectation of happiness
Forgive me; I am not the man you need
Far too weak, far too gentle, far too needy
Alone
Pain cries release me
Forever
The forgotten hope withdrawn
Chills the blood cold heart
Alone
I weep for the lost
Alone
I weep for the dream
Alone
I pray not forever
The knife pierced heart bleeds tears
Alone
Time eases pain
This I know
Love will remain
The one woman who could
The dream of perfection in imperfection
Loves promise lost momentarily
Physical union denied by fear
No other but one holds my heart
I have not asked for its return
Nor will I, yours forever a promise
Will you ever call me from loneliness?
Back to hope
I wait
I miss you already
You, who have yet to leave,
The child cries my love farewell
Alone again
Forever
More alone than ever before
Brief momentary illusion
Empties life's hope lost
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Can you wait?


I wonder
I dream
I long,
How long when every moment is one to many
I feel your arms around me
I feel your lips on mine
Your eyes smile soft breath on my cheek
I wake
Each day I take another step
Each day I am one day closer
And I pray
You can wait.
Can you wait?
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


500 Days


Were it not raining
I would dance naked
Through empty streets
Tilt at windmills though
None here to be found
Shout and sing with Sunday's
Church bells and hymns
The knights' day pride filled
Starts the journey anew.

500 days, finally!
I bow on extended knee
Before my hearts Queen
To receive the longed for right
Left shoulder, right, dubbed sir knight
I gather my sharp stick
Enclosed in my metal suit
On the back of a large horse
Slowly I charge forth in
Search of dragons and evil to fight.

500 days
Craves pass easily
It does get better
Don't give up, not yet!

Too violent for this knight
I gather hearts Queen tight
And ride into the night
Off to secluded bower
Beneath far willow tree
To spend an hour
Or more, ahhh much more
To erotic for this site.

500 days
Craves pass easily
It does get better
Don't give up, not yet!
Feast spread hall wide
Tables moaning beneath the weight
Of any treat you desire
Come join my celebration
It is a knights' right!

It does get easier
It does get better.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


When I grow up


When I grow up
I want to be a man
A man who writes without fear
A man who speaks openly of love
A man who will protect the innocent
A man who chases dreams without dread
A man who has self-respect, self-esteem
A man who believes in himself
I want to be a kind man
The kind of man my father was.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Life's Joy


Unnoticed, atoms dance to life's joy
Sun darkens to the light of your love
Soul to soul, words passionate embrace
One mind shared in two bodies
Longing to be one again

The overwhelming touch
Fire trailed fingers across naked flesh
Rendering loves memory physically
The quenching kiss enflames desire
Consumed by hearts conflagration
Ear spoken words, shivers ecstatic

The mystery in love
Not found in the finding
The miracle of love at first site
Wakes the heart as eyes open
Mornings smile, love found again.
Softness held close all night
Joined, one flesh so tight
The deepest love
Two souls one.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Hopes Hunt


Through dark nightmare lit woods I stagger
This is the truth the demon cries
Ignoring the desperate lies
I lurch from pain filled moment to moment
Eternal second ends in Self-awareness.

Lost unfounded words come back to haunt
Pushing desperation through horrid haunted halls
What king rules this minds desolation.
Bowing before darkened marbled throne
I peer up to see gray light shine upon
My eyes looking down at fears slave

Fleeing across sun blasted barren desolation
Demons whip and claw at visible desperation
Hopes mirage shimmers distantly
Drawing the soul bloodied and scorched
Horizon ever closer.
Falling flat in palm filled oasis
Mouth fills with burning sand.

Heavens gate opens admitting this weary soul
Creeping cautiously forward, I stare
Step on soft satin clouds
Hearing distant horror scream
Looking down to see love impaled
On demons claws, frozen pain filled moment
unending
Striving to aid, but held comforts captive to fear

Telephone shatters horrors illusion
Soft voice pedals idyll hours
On jungle shrouded shores
Mouth opens to revulsions unspoken scream
Eyes open and bleeding seek desperation in relief.

Conquered mountain, old and wise
Sits beneath stygian skies
Patiently waiting on my arrival
Wrinkled, bearded cackles break forth
From dry cracked lips peer yellow teeth
Again, I stare into my own
Demon haunted eyes.

Horrors hopelessness evaded momentarily
Cry sanctuary before dark oaken doors
Demons haunt fears frozen smile
The voice breaks, shaky hello
The unlocked door opens not to desperations plea
Demon hounds howl as the huntsman's horn sounds
Rancid hot rotten breath falls down
Naked exposed throat.

I stagger again through thorn and nettle filled woods
From nightmare to horrors dream
Fear pursues the hunt for hope.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Beneath moons sway


She dances beneath moons sway
Remembering futures passion
Wrapped tight in tomorrow's arms
Today's unfulfilled promise
Passions fear
Unbearable separation
Tears of longing fall unquenched
Upon arms empty and cold
The now barren bed mocks
Of love once held close.
I know the desire
I know the passion
I know the need
Once empty arms are filled
How can any leave.
And I smile in sorrow
And grow in wisdoms pain.
In ignorance I stepped blithely
Loves path held mystery
And I sought resolution
Answers to hearts emptiness
Found, yet pain filled moment
Between finding and consummation
Drags on interminably unending.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Sun kissed and blessed


Sun kissed and blessed
By summer breezes gentle caress
A hot smile shines down
While cool lotion spreads
Across passion burnt flesh
Temporarily soothing desire
Nature serenades with love
Trees sighing of lust and
Long withheld, restrained ardor.
Above a hypnotic uncluttered
Cloudless deep blue sky
Holds the captive eye fascinated
By unseen but known stars existence.

Beauty, a moth transfixed
Stares surprised at the light
Danger unheeded in wonder
At days surprised arrival.
Looking for the multicolored possibility
Held between eternity's hours
Searching for hidden linings
Seeing the imaginative cloud
Finding the smile in the eyes of a frowning face
Holding the promise of love close
Hearing the clean clear light of
Another summers morn
Open your heart, believe hopes improbability

Believing myself unworthy I stopped asking
Refuted the hope of love's existence
Unknowingly waiting hope forgotten again
Searching by feel for births lost soul
Denial shocked by loves sensual arrival
Bleak authenticity dark and gray
Colored gaily by your sweet angelic smile
Drawing strayed and exiled words
From beneath ink stained and blistered
Fingers, back to the sun.

The promise seen between moments
The beginning not yet begun
Consumed by the need for loves consummation
Confuses minds final rational thought
The forgotten child's midnight dream
Speaking clearly unheard words
Passionate love showing long lost heart
The same sun holds us both
Under an unwaveringly gentle smile
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


No


We speak and the passion boils.
So much to say
Nothing to say
How can I speak
And push her away
How can I stay silent
And not speak my heart
Worse I know she feels the same.
Pain twisted churning stomach
I long to hold her
But no, that hurts too.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


The dream of love rises


The dream of love rises
From a cold bed of ashes
My heart ignited burns
Lit by Eros' carelessly tossed torch.
All dreams become one
Speaking with different voices
Good things require time
Growth sometimes hurts
Neither is desired
Now!! Without pain, Please
My wish the child's cry
But the reward for walking
Out of darkness is light
Filling the soul with love.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


shrouded curtains


I stare through shrouded curtains
Normality a touch away
The impossible dream of
You who live so freely loving
Families, friends, freedom.
My desired familiarity.

With fears black cowl
I step into life, the silent one
Hiding behind a shaky smile
Terror filled eyes stare
Talk to me don't, please
The demon phone mocks
One ring, one call at a time
I hide behind safe curtains
Dreaming the impossible dream

Enough! I cry tis time
One small step then another
I peer from beneath the dark
Staring in hope at your light
I walk forward one step
Daring to dream of love
I open shaking arms, voice quivers
I shiver and smile, sweetness
You fill every thought, chasing fear
You stand angel bright sword high
Guarding my heart from harm
I step again with courage and hope
Your wisdom, knowledge, gentle encouragement
My guides to your open welcoming arms.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


quiet silence


My heart breaks in quiet silence
Wanting union, hating separation
Unbearable longing pulls fiercely
Knowing my presence would
Make the difficult worse, I wait
For how could I not touch?
How could I withhold speech?
Knowing you were so close
Yet so far away
Better to be far away
And pray for forever in your arms
I ache in quiet silent longing
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


early morning silence


I sit sipping early morning silence,
Enjoying the sweet scented cool of suns rise
Listening to birds wake the worms with
Songs of joy, part of natures hymn
Celebrating the new made day.

Dew washed earth sparkles
Reborn, refreshed waking
Day's creatures stir to continue
In quiet pleasure yesterdays tasks
The clear light of early dawn
Shines on my love for you as
I smile another day closer to us.

Thoughts of you so soft
I see your smile, smell your hair
Mind holds your words warm
I hope your cloud cradles you carefully
Filling you with a soft gentle joy
As we share our separate morning
Under the same shining sun.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


For the quiet friends

For the quiet friends
Who celebrate each day; milestones
Anniversaries, private and personal
Avoiding the spotlight of recognition;
For those who climb
The shadowed mountains side
Quiet, brave, struggles unheralded;
For those who visit rarely
But remain free of addictions pull;
Today I send a cheer (WOOOHOOO!!!)
A cyber rose @}~~~>~~~
And heartfelt congratulations
Though unrecognized you are not forgotten
Celebrate your achievement
Today with pride
You are doing so very well!
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


without expectations

I quit without expectations
Expecting miracles and change
Finding only emotions long checked
Flames raging uncontrolled,
No smoke to restrain
Love, desire, passion, pain
Though changed, unchanged
Life continues and I see
One smoke so easy
Fans addictions flames
But knowledge contains
The seed of wisdom
And sprouts with pain.
Miracles come with hard work and prayer
And are not found in the result
But in the friends made along the route.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Each morning

Each morning I wake
And hope to miss you less
Each morning I open my eyes
And find I miss you more
Comfort found in the knowledge
Each day apart brings us
One day closer together
Still I would rather
Have you held tight in my arms
Each morning I wake
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


When words are not enough

When words are not enough
But words are all you have
When a hug, a look, a touch,
A kiss, tell the tale complete
But words are all you have
How do you show you care?
Heart filled compassion and
Love so fair
Would ease the pain
But no words can fill the void
For words are not enough.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Joy

Joy
Expressed by ear wide smile
And heart felt belly deep laugh
Existence becomes ecstatic ecstasy
Cheeks burn with pleasures welcomed pain
Like the first warmth of spring
Sunshine after a rainy week
Hugs from old and dear friends
Loves whispered hello
Welcomed soul deep
Joy
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


silent tear

Shall I weep a silent tear
At the moon caressed beauty
Of her naked, unknowingly exposed flesh
White light gently highlights white
Touching the silken skin I would illuminate with
Tongue and lip exploring every curve
Hands lead and follow
From head to foot, like silvery light
I long to know every inch intimately
A breeze steals past open casement
Caress's my love, hair stirs slightly
Exposing and hiding light and darkness glint
Beauty sleeps gently tonight
Beneath my watchful and loving eyes
Though I long to wake her
See the moon light the love in blue eyes
Feel her sultry breath, hot summer nights breeze
On cheek, hear the softly whispered words
But no.
She sleeps.

And I weep a silent tear for her beauty exposed
And draw the sheet up
Wrapping her in the warmth of my love.

I hold love tight in my arms
Tight love holds me in hers
Coconut and sweet perfume the canvas
Two hearts beat rhythms return
I hold love tight in my arms
Lips touch in sensual overload
I hang onto the desired reality

Lightning strobes raising a flicker of desire
Echoed in her eyes as thunder rumbles closer
Pressing close, her heat holds of storms cold
Lips touch off another flash as tongues boom the thunder nearer
Greedy summer storms lust spread thighs
Eager for surging desires hard thrusts
Riding the storms surge, sweet sexual scent
Mingles with earth's wet orgasmic odor.
With one final ecstatic release electric
Earth shattering rumbling boom breaks the dam
Lust momentarily fulfilled cries unheard in sonic shattered silence
Breaths cool to now gentle showers sprinkle
Limbs tangled in summer's desire
Gentle touch electric loving smile
We remain joined, and share breath for a while.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Unchanged

My feelings remain unchanged
Sometimes I find it strange
How deep love is
Even in solitude
Though the words are no longer spoken
With every word I speak
I say a thousand times and more
Each day these three words
i love You
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


How Long?

A stranger meets Hearts sister
For the first time and smiles
A heart warmed by friendship
Never grows old or cold.

I never knew hopes existence
Held tight in science, knowledge, and reason
No emotion without just cause and explanation
Lying cold and alone in heartless empty bed
Cradling my answers near, eyes closed to loneliness
Rejoiced in my arrogant joy, and had no hope.

Then a word of kind hello shook my soul
Foundations crumbling, my world rocked
A hope kindled, hopes desire fuels loves flame
I looked on my heart held in another's eyes
Knowing now the reason why
Love could not find me, for no heart had I
She held it then, and holds it now
Forever is never spoken, but always hoped for

I wait alone still, changed but not
Arms cradling close hope and futures promise
Loneliness aches within my breast
Now I wait on time and the love that holds my heart
Though my soul is ordinary only
It aches at times and smiles at others
Some nights with hope
Others with belief
Holding on to times dream
And dancing with fears insecurity.
She loves me I know, but still the question remains
Battling for release, I scream unknowingly
And ask cold unfeeling fates,
How long?
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


puffy white cloud

A puffy white cloud
Holds an F - 18 motionless
Momentarily
Exposing environmental rape
Uncaring powerful and arrogant
Humans again destroy unthinkingly
Death and destruction rule supreme
Maggot like we pick earths bones clean
Raising stench filled obscenities skyward
Destroying tomorrows hope for today's profit
Seeking heaven by building hell.

As guilty as the rest
I devour rotten meat in ecstatic belief
That things provide happiness
Knowing intuitively the horror is wrong
Placating my doubts recycling my wastes
Buying friendly products
Raping in ignorance and indifference
The futures hope.

All the while vile toxins
Spew glibly from politicians tongues
In the hopes of reelection promising perfection
And green warriors battle to save the dying tree
That provides the dollar that fuels their crusade.
The tree that reached in peaceful majestic solitude
Straining to find freedom from earthly bonds
Roots ripped asunder, ground up and torn
Passed from pocket to hand buying abomination
On the street corner with remembrance of peace
Feeding death and addiction
The F - 18 screams overhead.

None are innocent
Not even diaper swaddled babe.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Bits, Unthemed

It is the isolation, staring at blank walls
White noise, white light, the silent void whispers
Madness would at least ease the hours
Long slow afternoon hours
Fear keeps me sane today
For what would they think
Seeing me cower beneath the high table
Softly speaking mad dirge, fetally
Curled upon trusted pain held close.

If I release pain and fear what life
Normal like all the rest, secret pride
Strangeness lost were it not for my fear
Would I be unique, horrible thought that
Though which is worse?
Still to bravely expose insanity, speak softly
Of riddles in loud booming voice confused
Crowds surround the crazy poet
Does he speak truth or lie loudly
Words have power carefully chosen not spewed
And tossed across pages, pages rambling incoherent babbling.

At least the page hears when I speak, ink
My voice, page the air and ear
Should another eye behold have I spoken?
What courage self exposed to the world
What madness being a poet stand naked before the crowd
Enjoying the splatter and plop of rotten eggs and tomatoes
Speaking , smiling, words not heard nor cared
It is no wonder poets go mad, too much passion
Soul destroyer, numbed with drugs and sex
Pain eases for a moment.

Mad with desire and loneliness
I weep for the fading moon
Watch the sun chase
Impossible dreams, till one day
Madness claimed reaches out
Embraces distant loved ones

The end is the start
The tail eats the worm
Unending cycles change constantly
In flux's state stability becomes impossibility
What began with a word
Ends with a word
Passion deep and powerful ignited
By words stilled, though yet smoldering
By words, hope kindles embers into hearts flame

If heaven opened up
An angelic choir began to sing
It would not be half so sweet
As the smiling loving hello
That daintily steps across
Ruby red lips holding desire
Unchecked, unquenched.

Lips of passion
Hide teeth white and sensual
Guarding tongue and palate
Though not well for they easily part
My tongue the key opening sanctuary
Breath mingles saliva smiles
Half checked gasp of desire
Rising again between
Lips of passion

I see your eyes before me
Blue pain filled depths
Open the soul to love
I open arms to soothe
Hearts ache wrapped in love

You smile brightening the world
Darkness flees, joy replaces loneliness
A laugh clears the soul
Heart felt uninhibited joy escapes
A sensual delight.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


I do not seek

I do not seek the one who fits and completes
I am not waiting for the right one
For no such person exists
The one I seek will be my compliment
She will not fit but enhance
Together we would meld our presents
Into the future of our dreams.
Perhaps I but dream of perfection
But I have hope, trust, belief
No Faith yet, though it grows.

Am I wise or just a silly romantic
To hope for loves compliment?

The missing piece
The treasured piece
The one who holds my dream,
The one who unlocks my heart with a word
She speaks my name and I am lost again
Should I wait for eternity?
Would that be too soon
The one yearned for with aching desire
Does this person exist
Or do I wait in vain loneliness?

Perfection is not found
But built by two who
Work willingly through difficulty.
But both must want perfection
Or it becomes a tragedy.

Careful, fate has a way of laughing
Three strikes brings up a new batter
Perhaps the game has just begun?
Say never again, but once more
In not looking perhaps find.
Say never and fate laughs
Say forever and fate laughs
Speak of today, and hope for tomorrow
Words of wisdom I cannot follow,
Though true I do believe.

Loneliness becomes wearisome
One is not enough and two
Too many some days.
The silence of none begins to ache
No word spoken for fear
Of shattering the spell of hope
Hope that love exists for the lonely
Hope that the silence foreshadows
The joy of another's breath
Sending shivers down backs
Raising expectations of more
Warmth held within arms cold
The feel of two hearts pounding
One rhythm holds eyes shut
Hope of one to share a life.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Think the rain good

Think the rain good.
Look at the wet bark on trees,
Leaves dripping, silently laughing.
Think the rain good,
And it may become so.

Rain falling softly on the roof
A soft sweet sleep song.
Cradling the rest in comfort
Sounds of youth, ease and warmth
Held tight in mothers' arms.

Pine scent mingles with earths
Moist wet richness, rising
With each step, through falling
Life's blood, in each drop growth visible.
I walk the forests of my past
Father strides along softly
Whispering wisdom, and dreams
The forests of tomorrow.

Think the rain good.
See the wet restoration,
Green brightens and glows deeply.
Think the rain good,
And it may become so.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Loves Dream

Did this word stop your heart?
Breathe forgot, world spins,
Once spoken cannot return
The step taken changes
Possibility becomes probable
Hope becomes faith
Faith in the dream of love.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Windy

The wind howls
Rattling windows
Rolling large children
Like tumbleweeds through ghost towns
I dream I am a kite
(A large cute one)
Released from earth bond
How easily it would be
To fly straight to thee.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Do you remember way back, when

Do you remember way back, when
The dreamer wakes I said?

I had a thought today
Realizing the dreamer yet sleeps
Dreaming of waking
So easy to return to what was and
Drift realities seas eyes shut
Possibilities unseen float past.
I looked to see freedom's desire
You have woken forgotten lost hope
Love, compassion, Lover.
No chaos, but ordered reality
No poison, but sweet balm to lonely misery.
You have given so much,
How shall I repay
Loves compassion, generous kind words
Healing unknown wound of loneliness
I am yours
Anytime
Anywhere
Anyway.
No debt between us but love
The dreamer wakes still to dream.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


smile and embrace summers arrival

I smile and embrace summers arrival
Both arms held wide welcoming;
Sensual summers bright smiling light
Summers breeze softly showing,
Where to caress with naked sun kissed passion.
Flower perfumed air mingles
Entangled in fresh mown grass
Odour of charcoal overpowers
Rising hungers forgotten memory
Arm locked lovers entwined in sweet smelling clover
Lazy bee's buzz counterpoint
As trickling brook sings of mingled essences
Found beneath summers depthless blue
Picnics in parks, children scream of joy
As youthful lust pounds sound, tires squeal
Attracting hopeful satiation in flickering cop light
Distant mowers rumble highlights summers secret ritual
Lost again in the quest for the perfect lawn garden
As the fish strikes the lure to loons cry
Mosquito repellent chases away natures scented beauty
As we walk unnosed through woods scent filled
Pine and spruce released with summer heat
Tangled memories hide within summer's hair
Coming home to reawaken the days joy
I smile and embrace summers return
In moonlight, arms hold tight the summer day.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


The glaze of self-absorption

The glaze of self-absorption fades
As eyes open to realities pain truth
We write our beliefs in magic dust
Expecting constant consistency from all
Then watch horror struck
As winds of change rearrange and expose
Falsehood hidden now displayed
Panic stricken rewritten beliefs
Pain blamed on anyone but self-delusion
Will not withstand honest examination
Responsibility for joy
Responsibility for pain
Responsibility for love
No excuses when facing inward
Separating self from self
Find truth hidden in lies
For to conceal the truth
Lies must contain the truth
Kernelled seed grows the plant
Sowed in less than fertile soil
Crooked and warped yet with hope
Shadows light straightens strengthens
Giving what is sought by example
Dust written beliefs raised by changes wind
Grains tear the eye, seeing what was missed
Beauty beyond understanding strength and compassion
Awed again by simplicity chisel braced strong
Hammer strikes fall slowly, beliefs driven
Soul deep rock holds firm to expectation
Wind exposed unexpected strength beneath expected weakness
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


bits, on a theme

Lost in loves arms
Dreaming reality alive
Stoking the fires of desire
Cooling on the beaches of passion
An afternoon spent rehearsing
For life's eternity.

Never say forever
Never say never
Live the moment and pray
To be granted another day.
Though a moment would be enough
Forever is too short a time.

A moment in time
Frozen in loves memory
Remembered perfection
Encircled in living arms
Blessed are those with loves memory
Held close in passions arms
A secret living within
Today's ecstatic joy becomes
Yesterday's cherished memory.

Secrets perfection
Mirror's life's imperfection.
True love is a dream
Held in our arms today.
Forgive my impudence
But I would leave all
To spend one moment in loves arms
Better a moment of ecstasy
Than a life of regret.

The romantic within dreams of loves perfection
The realist without asks for loves imperfection
Will I withstand life's little bumps
Can I wait for tomorrow's arrival
Perfect love is heaven's dream
Your love a faith held reality

The stage has been set
The curtains pulled close
Opening night arrives quickly
Drama, tragedy, comedy, inspiration
All in this life's hope.
Love is heaven's gift
A hint of what is yet to be
Perfection beyond imagination
Imperfect love sets the stage.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


bend in the road

I came around a bend in the road
My heart stopped at morning's beauty
The Eternal's gift, mine alone
Let there be light this moment foretold
Should I be willing to open heart and eyes
The Eternal's beauty mine to see.

My responsibility to open heart and eyes
I write my joy, my pain, my beauty
It is my duty, my honor to see
Beauty through pain, love exists outside of hate,
In the midst of horror gentleness found.

New born leaves cradled in suns clear warmth
Phoebes gently cry the morning awake
A breeze stirs earth's rebirth aloft
My life enriched by simple acceptance
Fear, low self-esteem, poor self-image
Hidden truth behind preconceived belief
Honesty fully concealed by pains eye.

Again the journey continues to begin
Self-discovery, life's journey
Dancing sideways pull
Striving to go ever forward
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


The wind is calm

The wind is calm,
Rain drums softly on the roof
Raising a child's memories
Of quiet familiar evenings
The earth wipes the skies tears
And returns joy to sadness
Shall I dance naked?
Satyr like in the rain
Celebrate life's return
Easing the parched baked earth
Soft rain, lovers gentle caress
Green soothes the eye
Spring's vitality restored
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Dreams Fear

What if your dream scares you?
I dreamt I had a dream when I was a child.
Fear stepped in and told me
It was not meant to be.
I wake now from reality
And see the dream.

I have forgotten how to dream.
Fantasy is easy, but dream
Of realities desire, what might be.
Afraid to try to make it true
Afraid that trying might make it true
But as I wake to the dream
I realize life's worth is not
In the dream, but in the attempt.

And I close my eyes
To write the words
I need to dream
The nightmare
Out of my reality.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


A friendly addiction

A friendly addiction
Tongues tangle in talk
Twisting laughter into words
A daily fix of friends
keeps worldly woes away.

If friendship is addiction,
I would be a junky true
And stay with friends like you
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Busy

Should the sun not rise
The stars not twinkle
Would I notice?
Or would I be
Too busy missing you.

A hard days work passes
Interminably, unending struggle
To focus on hands tasks
Forgetting at times where I stand
Salary spent before it is earned
Would I notice?
Or would I be
Too busy missing you.

Tried a little TV, light distraction
Got lost in a commercials plot.
So I tried to read
One sentence again.
New music, old music, unheard melody
I cannot notice
For I am
Too busy missing you.

Gave up waking to sleep;
Dream held you close,
Touched flesh,
Long hairs caress,
Lips gentle passionate
Wake with a start
Can't sleep now,
For I am too
Busy missing you.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


I think a lot

I sit at the crossroads
Wondering which path I should walk
Which is right
Which is wrong
And realize it matters not

I think a lot
Bout things I should do
But don't do a lot
Bout the things I think

One road destructions end
Horror bound
One road unchanging future
Boredoms path
One road leads backwards
Back to what was
One road leads into unknown
Secrets not yet shown
A road that leads on without end

Stepping carefully onto the unknown
High mountains to overcome
Steep cliffs and sharp precipice littered
Thorns and false paths all around
Down this path I walk
No fear have I this time
As I do the things I think
For this is the only path
That leads to your hearts door
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


I fell in love with love

I fell in love with love
Though love asks why
For in herself she sees
Only vile poison, chaos, and pain.

Love sees truth
Her smile lights the world
I want her to know
In words yet unspoken
How much she means to me
I want her to know
Through feelings felt
Loves depth unknown
I want her to know
In loving arms she is held
Though so far away.

Perfect beauty, peace, and hearts ease
I fell in love with love
Though love asks why
Love recognizes love
How could I not?
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


lost innocence

I have looked upon evils face
And wept for lost innocence
For an angel weeps softly
From deepest shadow heart cries
Where she should find love
Only cold pain lies.
Gentle soul, hate has abused
Hides beauty beneath pains mantle
Forgotten truths shadow hid
Devoted mother, none more caring
Kind gentle soul, compassion unparallel
Accepting others pain,
Though carrying more than she can bear
Hate has pushed love into dream
Dream has become fantasies hope.

I have looked into the face of love
And wept at the beautiful joy found
From out of despairs depths
Love rises out of her souls heart
Though fearing, risks again the pain
With gentle kindness opens heart in hope
Hoping dream exists,
Loves truth not imagined.

One hope have I
That an angel will spread wings
And with joyous cry
Realize she can fly.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


True Beauty

The world is not all so vile
Love and tender care does exist
Not in imagination alone
For friends hold your love
For friends hold your beauty
For friends hold your true worth
Kind gentle soul, filled with tender mercy
Giving with out expectation of return
Love steps beyond self and gives
You are love
You are beauty
You are talent
Hold tight to the truth
Of friends love.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


No cyber please

I don't desire cyber
No cyber sex
No cyber love
No cyber chat
No cyber views
I want flesh
I want skin
I want you
I need you
Holding me tight
I don't desire cyber

How do I step across border
Of electronic ease
To hold you in my arms
Once again for the first time
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Angel's Respite

In darkness an angel sits
Wings furled head on knees
Waiting for release from loneliness
Unknowingly seeking respite
From darkness all around
Ignoring demons sound

Shadow bright filled with loves hope
Walks into darkness spreading light
Finally one who needs him
Finally one who wants him
Finally one who loves him
Wings unfurl with joyous ecstasy
He rises to spread loves wings;
Protection over brightest shadow.

You are too intense shadow says
Fearing her own loves intensity
Not the love of another for she
Could not be worthy, though
If not she then none are worthy.
For no other lips will he taste
No other will hold his heart
No other will know his souls desire
No other will be his love.

Shadow bright in silent coldness
Turns and walks slowly away
Ignoring deepest of loves plea
Still loving but unable to reach out
She shuts out the necessary support
Closing her heart to love
Shadow returns alone to light.

And an angel weeps
Tears of blood run from his eyes
For into each angels life walks one love
To help and protect though freely
Granted, freely accepted
Or help not help but abuse.
Brightest shadow flies free
Hope may bring her back one day.
And an angel weeps to keep the demons away.
Though he smiles pleasantly at others jokes
Behind happy disguise tears of blood
Fall silently into the dark.

Again angel huddles in the dark
Despair over loves lost hope
Presses forehead against knees
Even demons fear and stop their caterwauling
The sorrowful weeping of an angel's despair
Fills the darkness of soul.

Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


The Eternal

Seeing the eternal in all
Is not something to be taught
Though it can be learned
Look at your child with love
Stare at soft moonlight
Watch the sun rise set
Look at the homeless street bound
Walk through pains corridor
Compare beauty with beauty
Look for the eternal in all
Wake to the possibility
For the eternal resides
Within you as well.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Loves Silence

My love shouted out into echoing void
Hoping for loves reply
Receiving



Silence
Harsher than any words of hate
What colder agony than indifference?
Silence tears me asunder
Adrift on a sea of silent agony
I wait for a sign of love
Remember deepest fear
Remember promises
Gather the remnants of scattered self
Return to the dark I crawled from
Awaiting redemption of loves
Whispered word, Fearing
Better to hide forever from world
Than face this pain again
I hide, knowing hate will never find me
Knowing I am lost to love
Once again chained to despair
I hide in dark
No more shall I reach out
To painful this silence of love.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


No Sin




Words are my breath
She whispers gainst night's darkness
Seeking freedom afraid of the light
Unfurls broken and battered wings
Chains of pain deny flight


Why was first stone not thrown?
As son, law must be obeyed,
None more deserving by law
Yet one look and no sin was seen


Stones thrown to hide self's sin
Words of pain to hide inner pain
Hurt another casually to avoid agony
Malicious child in adult's body
Hides behind anonymity and fear
Better a sister suffer horror
Than have to open heart and hear
One in three is unacceptable


Looked at the crowd around
Saw more sin in righteous multitude
Head bowed against sad darkness
He stared at light surrounded by hate
Judging not, forgave light and dark


Courage stands against anger
Bravery stands against spite
Love supports angels flight
Gentle words and loves caress
Wings heal and mend
Rising she sees, not to blame
No fault in her to be seen
Breaks free of shackles of hate and anger
Cautiously spreads wings white and pure
And leaves behind darkness
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001







Unacceptable

She sits terrified
Shadow hidden
Bravely awaiting the dawn
Softly whispered encouraging words
Spoken by friends with love
She bravely stands up to night's demon
Dawns light warm on her back
Falsely accused, unacceptably abused
The worst demons walk among us
Wearing suits, ties, normality

Though alone, no need just reach out
Friends support with love
You are worth all good things
Love held dear,
Life without fear
Intelligent and pure stand proud
Hold you head high and bravely face the demon
With love by your side.

Small town purity lost
Beneath early rising sun
One in three, abuse unacceptable
So much pain so much horror
Bravely battering loves bound
Abuser steps out of tear stained bruised house
Cowering under harsh light of reality.

While abused battered and bruised
She bravely steps out into the rain
Sunglasses hiding her pain
No one remembers her name
Awed by the soul strength
Of the lost and desperate
The scary panic, let's go home.
Tied to hate by love
Unable to break free
Thinking the unacceptable is acceptable.

Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


A Child in Love

I am a child in love
Experience, wisdom, knowledge,
I had none;
Till I met you.
With every mistake I make,
With every lesson I learn,
I grow closer too you,
My love deeper it seems.
I pray your patience
Will be as strong as your love
To allow me to mature
Become the love you deserve
The man I would be
Your angel
Your strength
Your hope
Of a better tomorrow
A child in love no more
But a man who loves
The woman of his dreams
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Hopes Lost Dream

My mind wanders, drifts
Dreams of a yesterday that never was
Creating a tomorrow of hope and love
Wanting forever, happy with a moment
Aware of joy knowing more is imminent
Waiting on hope, waiting on love
Missing lost time, missing you
To ease the pain mind melds
Desire into fantasy


In my arms tightly held
Smelling you hair
Sweet fragrance in the air.
Feel your breasts press tight
Against my fast beating heart,
Whisper softly in your ear
Words so dear.
Lift your chin and stare
Loves reflection stares back.
Taste your lips while desires
First moan rises from your heart.


Sharing erotic delights
Through sun frozen summer nights
Lips caress secrets forth
Souls bared intimately
In orgasmic ecstasy.
Soft sweet scented soul
Tasting of reborn love
Moans of names held dear
As soft conversations pass
Hidden beneath willow tree
Nirvana blossoms into flight
As two separate souls unite
Once again in eternity
The way love was meant to be
Grounded in reality
Given flight in dream
Breasts heave and sigh
As thighs are lifted high
Enter again into consummate sin
Loves deepest desire met
Wave lapped distant shores
Show bright in moons diffuse light
Waking magnified memories of past fantasy
Lost in splendor two souls entwined
We speak of bliss explored and found
In each other's arms.


The sound of self's voice
Shatters silence breaking spell
Of hopes lost dream.
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Speed

Dawn rises early today
Speeding forth tight gripped wheel
Wages and job worth more
Than life and beloved wife
Rashly overstepping the bounds of sanity
Speeding past life into death
Carnage soaked and battered highway
One life lost bad enough though sad
Another life murdered in the name of speed
Late to work today and evermore
Grief's salary brought home
Slim pay for hope of life
Stricken and weeping wife
Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


Alone in a crowd

Alone in a crowd is bad some say
As love and life stirs around
Yet never truly alone are they
When another voice makes a sound.

Rise alone bed empty and cold
The ghost of none breaks fast with one
Walks the floor, speaks in riddles
Of love loud voices
No breath save mine moves the air
No voice to shatter stillness

Soulless and bereft travel through the day
Three sparse words in a week are spoken
You are welcome to all night clerk
At the all night adult video store were you
Rented celluloid love for the night
Hand in hand love flaunted before empty eyes
Children laughing gaily under parents watchful
Distrusting eyes, fearing stories of horror
Loneliness walks the street as companion
No physical touch, crying for comfort
Kind words, a smile, eye contact
Despair weighted shoulders shuffle feet home
Again mouse's tale shackles desperation
Warmth and comfort found online
Magnifying ghost of none
Who sleeps in cold dead bed
Alone again.

Copyright @M.Lingrell2001


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