Infertility
This is my page to tell my story of infertility. This is the second draft, and not as good as the first though. I accidentally lost the first one.
Lyall and I have pretty much been trying for a baby since we were married, about two and a half years ago now. Many people tell me what's the rush, you're only 26. Well, I've always wanted a baby as long as I can remember, and even though I am still young, it is taking us a long time. If I had waited to see a doctor about it, I would be in my thirties before having a child.
I first felt some pains in my abdomen about 5 years ago. It was really bad at the time, and landed me in emergency twice. I was a nursing student at the time, and had a lot of problems that year. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, a condition where uterine tissue grows in your abdomen. I had it mainly on my bladder, and it seemed to clear up after two laparoscopies, where they lazer it off, and two years of Depo-Provera. The provera stopped my periods completely, which I thought was great. I knew that Endo could cause problems with pregnancy, but never was really worried. I won't have a problem, children are such a high priority for me, it wouldn't be fair.
Well, when I went off the provera, I never did become regular again. My period would come once every few months, and always at a bad time. On our honeymoon in Las Vegas, on the plane on the way to Costa Rica... Lyall and I had decided that we wouldn't actively try right after the wedding, but we didn't use any birth control. We thought it would happen when we were ready. Before the first year was up, I went to see my doctor, because I still wasn't regular, and knew that the endo may be a problem. She sent me to a gynecologist right away, who specialized in reproductive endocrinology. After many tests, I found out that I had polycystic ovaries, a kinked tube, and an abnormal pap smear. The PCO is where I don't ovulate, instead, the egg turns into a cyst. That could be treated with clomid, according to her. She didn't think the pap was a big deal, but sent me to have a colposcopy anyway, where they look at your cervix through a big microscope, and do a biopsy if needed. I learned all that in one day, which very really overwhelming. I was beginning to think I would never have a baby.
After the colpo, I got a call at work telling me I had an appointment at the Cross Cancer Institute, because it showed that I had cervical Cancer. The "C" word is very terrifying. I knew that cervical was the most treatable of cancers, but I didn't want to lose my uterus. I knew that it was a possibility.
I was ordered not to get pregnant for a while. I had my cervix removed, and went for colpo's almost once a month. After a year, they finally gave me the go ahead to try the clomid, but I still have to go for three month checkups, pap's, and the occasional biopsy. I hate going.
I had an HSG done, to fix my tubes. They forced dye through them, then did an X-ray, to see if it was okay. It seemed to work, but was the most painful thing I have every experienced!! I hope childbirth isn't that bad. They just made me do it again, because it had been over a year from the first one. I almost didn't go.
I took the clomid for two cycles, and nothing happened. I am still taking it every month, and now we are trying artificial insemination. They think that the biopsies made my cervix too harsh for the sperm. The first one didn't work, so we are still trying.
It really seems difficult at times to get through all this. All around me friends are getting pregnant and having babies. Even a 19 year old I know if about to give birth, and she is not happy. She's not taking care of herself or her child, and it really upsets me. It hurts to see how easy it can be for others. We are going to try a few more months, and then we will try for adpoption.
One of the things that is the hardest for me is friends who don't understand. So many people tell me I'm trying too hard. Just relax and it will happen. It's great for them to say that, they have children already, and have never had a problem. We went a year not thinking about it, and nothing happened. Why will it now? How can I not worry so much, with everything we have gone through so far? One person made me feel it was my fault. She actually said if I stop stressing so much, forget it for a WEEK, I'll get pregnant no problem.
Well, that's my story so far. Everyday, we see beautiful babies, and
wish it was ours. I can't talk to my one friend without wanting to cry.
She is pregnant with her first, and had just decided to try when she
got pregnant the first month. Every name we hear, we wonder if it's
a good name for our baby.
