.....................................................................................The Solo II News..................................................Like you could do better!......................................................The Edmonton  Solo ll News

Welcome to a very brief holiday edition of the Solo News. Today's edition has nothing to do with solo, I just needed to have a creative outlet to take my mind off the hectic time that is Christmas.

As I cast a glance out at the brown grass  in front of my house, the glow of the fake electric fire place threatening to ignite it any second, I am reminded of just how much I hate most of the people on this rock we call earth. Personally, I can't wait until Ian's head gets big enough to change the directional pull of the moon and we all go super nova. And if you have seen him of late, we ain't got long. It would have already happened if Kansas hadn't slowed the effect! (Cruel but funny, no?)

In the event I suddenly have more money than Bill Gates, I will be purchasing the Earth and I hope you have your bags packed. Get Off! Your are being evicted, and no I will not be returning damage deposits. NO references! I simply don't have the time or energy to berate all 6 billion of you just this minute, so count yourselves lucky.

To surmise: Learn to park, your mirror is not to check what's in your teeth, 30kmh in an 80 zone is NOT safer, TURN ON YOUR GOD DAMN TURN SIGNAL BEFORE  you're half way into the turn! Buy winter tires, don't change lanes if you see me coming up a good deal faster, your SUV is NOT a superior handling vehicle, AIM your F**CKIN head lights! Speaking of which, you only need two, your not in the Paris/Dakar. Make chit chat with your spouse, not the cashier. Put away that cell phone before your proctologist has to remove it! If I don't know you, I don't care about your life, please stop telling me about it. Take a bath periodically, brush your teeth, turn you ball cap the right way idiot! It is pronounced Porsche NOT Por-sha! Your outdated 25  cent coupon is not worth 10 minutes of your time to argue about it! Stretch pants are not for everyone.......

Having said that, I want to wish the remaining 20 or 30 of you a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I will see many of you on Dec. 30th @ fastracks.

I've made a quick wish list for some of our more prominent members, not that I don't care deeply about the rest of you. I just didn't have enough wit to go around. Speaking of which, join the Solo News for it's first annual Boxing Day Blowout, were every page will be 50% less funny. Perhaps a mathematical impossibility at the rate I'm going today.

Clayton's Corner

I know several of you have spent many sleepless night wondering who will take over the "corner" from Clayton in coming issues. Clayton will not return my calls so I haven't had the opportunity to fire him just yet. However, freelance writer/ radio Nazi, Brian L has graciously provided us with an exclusive interview with the person he admires and loves the most.....himself.

New News

Dav(rr)e has apparently switched teams again, I can't remember which team he is on now, but there is nothing wrong with whatever team he is playing for now. That said, I did talk to Dav(rr)e about getting his corner back, but he said he was more interested in my "back door". Whatever that means....

Finally...........

As soon as there is something to report, let me assure you the Solo News will have it for you. As sure as this is my 3rd Margarita this morning, you can count on the Solo News for semi accurate, slanderous and completely biased reporting! Have a Great Holiday!

Please note, the solo ll news, although meant to provide information, is largely tongue in cheek (or foot in mouth if you like). If for any reason you have an objection to your first name, image, or photo being used i.e.: copyright infringement/not my good side/does my ass look fat in these pants?, please email me and I will remove them immediately. Also, it should be noted that this site in NO WAY is associated with the Alberta Solo Association! The opinions expressed here are my own, and although always right, in no way represent the ASA or any of its members! SO THERE!

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