The Morning Wake-up Game

by Al Pace

Have you ever tried to house train three little puppies at the same time? Well, if you have, the following story may sound a little familiar to you. It all starts at about 5:30 each morning…or 4:30 or 3 or 2……….

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ, whimper……..whimper, yip (Translation: Get up, I gotta go outside). ZZZZZZ, yip……yip, yap (Translation: Hurry up, I can’t wait). ZZZZZ, snort, gzorch, ZZ, "What? Be quiet!" At this point, the body on the bed is slowly becoming cognizant of what is going on. YAP, YAP, YAP…lick. Help….my right ear is being subjected to an attack of the gigantic tongue monster! Finally, in an act of desperation, one eye manages to open. It’s still dark. What’s going on here?! Slowly the brain begins to work. It says, "Feet, don’t move." "Right arm, turn on the light." The right arm begins to argue, "What’s wrong with de feet?" De feet say, "We don’t want to step in a night deposit." "OK" says the right arm and slowly stretches out to find the light switch.

CLICK……and all hell breaks loose! Preston, the puppy, is there on the floor jumping for joy because he has again revived the ‘DOOOOOOR OPENER". The two big dogs are browned off because now they are expected to get up too. The race is on. The feet look for the slippers. The dogs look for the door. The feet put on the slippers. The dogs pile into the door. Now, the DOOOOOR OPENER is almost awake. I trudge slowly to the door and try to open it. How do you pull a door open when two big dogs and a puppy are wedged up against it trying to push it open. This is a job for SUPER DOOOOR OPENER! "Move!" and the herd of animals parts like the Red Sea. I open the door slowly. CHAAARGE! First Honey Oohs, then Preston and finally Vasha zoom past me up the hallway and into the kitchen. Doggy den number one has just been emptied.

Time now to open doggy den number two. I go to the other bedroom and gingerly open the door…no resistance here. Where are they? CLUNK! Puppy Pizmo crashes into my left leg as he feverishly escapes from the den and charges up the hallway to join the other dogs in the kitchen. Slowly, as if she were sleep-walking, little Pukker staggers out. This completes the morning wake-up game.

I follow little Pukker up the hallway. A commotion is going on in the kitchen by the back door. Big dogs and little dogs are climbing all over each other trying to get out. I can’t get near the door to open it. I shuffle forward trying not to step on anyone and manage to get close enough to the door to grasp the knob. It turns…and the door opens. Again, the dogs have to be restrained. Finally, the door is open and Preston and Pukker escape into the night. The rest of the crew have decided to pull a disappearing act.

As you no doubt know, little puppies have a disgusting habit. They can’t wait very long in the morning before they have to relieve themselves. With this thought firmly in my mind, I race back up the hallway. All doors are closed except one….my room. Now I know where the little rascals are. As I go through the doorway, I can see the two big dogs, Vasha and Honey Oohs, on the bed with a thoroughly disgusted look on their faces. I look around. Oh no! Pizmo has struck again! There, in the corner of the room, is a large pile of steaming, slightly wet, only used once, dog food. I look at the big dogs in an accusing way. They both look away…into the other corner of the room. There’s the culprit, Pizmo, creating a lake on the carpet.

Well, now I’m fully awake. I holler at the perpetrator of the crime. "Pizmo, what are you doing?" The little rascal takes off to the kitchen. Having cleared away the remnants of the previous nights supper, it’s now time for breakfast. I follow the little troublemaker into the kitchen and begin to pull out the three puppy dishes. CLANG, CLANG, CLANG. The two puppies outside roar up the stairs and bounce off the door. It’s amazing how the ring of a metal dish can get any dogs attention. In they come, eager for their breakfasts.

Each puppy attacks a separate dish. While they are enjoying their favorite food, ‘Pre-packaged Puppy Pooh’ (just add water and a puppy), I hurry to the bedroom to perform an emergency cleanup. Two minutes later I return to the kitchen. There on the floor is Pukker doing what she does best…eating her breakfast…again. What a terrible habit! Seems like puppies are continually finding ways to gross-out their owners.

With breakfast over, the puppies crawl under the table and go back to sleep…except for Preston. He just lies there contentedly eating the morning newspaper. I guess you could call it "digesting the news". The morning rush is over for another day.

The preceding narrative is a true story. The characters were played by Vashiral’s Lucky Charm as Pukker, Vashiral’s "The Gizmo" as Pizmo and Vashiral’s Sgt. Preston who played himself. The writer was Al Pace who also played the part of ‘The DOOOOOR OPENER’.