Ranma 1/100th Christmas Special
'Twas the Fight Before Christmas

Produced by: Horde O' Hentai Productions, Literature Division
	Darren Demaine: Chairman of the Horde, President for Life
				(with chance of parole in 20 years)
	Lee (Greywolf): Pun Minister, Guy We Rub for Luck
	Rob (Barbarian): P.U. Officer, Breath Weapon Specialist
	Craig (Dr. Ruminhari): Minister of Foreign Affairs
			(until we caught him at it)
Series Concept: Darren Demaine
Written by: Darren Demaine (someone who's too damn tried to think up things to go here)
Based on the works of: Takahashi Rumiko-no-megamisama, and some guy who wrote a poem
______________________________________

'Twas the night before Christmas (yes it 'twas!) and all through the dojo;
Not a creature was stirring, not even a dodo.

All the perverts were snuggled, up tight against their bras;
Dreaming of bikinis, brought out by summer thaws.
The cast was asleep, each tucked in tight;
For once at the Tendo's, everything seemed all right.

To the sleeping people, the world was at bliss;
They did not yet know, something was amiss.
In the sky above, a group did appear;
Any that had seen then, all had fled in fear.

Leading the pack, was a group of reindeer;
They didn't look too happy, they didn't want to be here.
Following the herd, was a motley crew;
A group so strange, they must have come from a zoo.

A pig, a panda, a bull-ape with wings;
These were the sanest of the following things.
For behind these animals, together in a cart;
Was a pig-tailed boy, and a purple-haired tart.

"On Dancer," he cried, "on Blizten, on...hey Oyaji!
Speed it up, if I'm late I pay a penalty fee!"
"On Donner," he continued, "on P-chan, on Taro, and Dixon;
Shampoo, stop trying to hug me, you vixen!"

Thus did this group, that flew through the sky;
Come to crash on the dojo, with an earth-shaking cry.
Pulling his battered body from the roof;
His anger did the red-clad figure let loose.

"Man this sucks," he said, "It's all Nabiki's fault;
A little more time and her loan I wouldn't have had to default!"
His head did shake, "she demands I pay her double;
That's fine, except this part-time job is just so much trouble!"

With a grunt and a curse, he did shoulder the bag;
"It's too heavy," he thought, "Probably another test from the hag!"
From the roof did he leap, with a gentle hopping kick;
Forgetting he did, that the pond wasn't frozen thick.

Under his feet, the fragile ice did go crack;
Soaking poor Ranma, but luckily not the sack.
From the icy water, quickly did spring;
A busty, short red-head, a cute little thing.

Cursing her luck, shivering with cold;
She moved to the house, not sneaky but bold.
Sliding the door, she did enter the room;
Seeing someone else, there in the gloom.

Soun was snoozing there, not awake but not mute;
"Soon Saotome-kun, my moves will bare fruit."
"Say what you like, my dear good old friend;
When I move the piece, this game will finally end."

Stepping around Soun, and the shogi board there;
Ran-chan entered the house, silent as air.
Dropping off gifts, she tried to make haste;
But turning to leave, the old pervert she faced.

"Sweeto!!" he cried, and jumped straight and so true;
Glomping Ranma's chest, a soft mountain or two.
Ranma cried out, but the master was undaunted;
"This is the only Christmas gift," he cried, "I've ever wanted!!"

With a mighty kick, a hole in the roof did appear;
From low-flying planes, Happosai had something to fear.
Steamed from the encounter, Ranma mightily did curse;
She couldn't see how tonight, could possibly get worse.

The answer she received, much sooner then she thought;
As the back of her head, with a hammer did get caught.
Standing over the figure, and her sack full of toys;
Was a cute short-haired girl, the princess of tomboys.

"Jerk!" She cried, "I'm trying to get needed sleep!
Can't you destroy the dojo, without making a peep!?"
"Awh shut up," Ranma replied, "you don't need your zees...;
For your beauty sleep to work, Hell'd have to freeze!"

All over the house, did Akane give chase;
Swinging her hammer, aiming for the face.
"Angry as you are," Ranma said, "you're really not cute;
But you're not that cute anyway, so the point's really moot."

Hearing the action, Nabiki did have to wonder;
Which unlucky star, those two were born under.
Rolling over in bed, she tried to get some sleep;
Dreaming of the gifts, tomorrow she would reap.

Through most of the house, Ranma quickly did scamper;
All the time, smart mouthing some banter.
Following close behind, fury on her face;
Akane never slowed, keeping her pace.

Then at a moment, Ranma suddenly did see;
What the next target of the mallet would be.
She reversed her course, thought became action;
The hit from the hammer, almost put her in traction.

Looking past Ranma, who could use intensive care;
She saw a bright package, on the floor there.
Had her hammer not hit, Ranma's face so exact;
The parcel Akane now held, it would have been flat.

Reading the tag, her eyes did go so wide;
"To Akane, from Ranma," not at all snide.
Regaining herself, Ranma rose to her feet;
Her eyes looked away, her face was a beet.

"I couldn't let you hit it," she said, her voice sounding gruff;
"I mean, saving up that money, it really was tough."
"Open it," she said, nervous as could be;
"Not that it matters much, to one such as me."

Slowly Akane pulled, on the wrapping so neat;
Hearing her gasp, Ranma's heart skipped a beat.
Staring straight down, she saw that the box did hold;
A small silver locket, with a thin band of gold.

For a moment, Akane just could not speak;
Hearing but silence, Ranma started to freak.
Holding the locket, to her chest with her fist;
Akane smiled happily, her eyes starting to mist.

Her mind wiped clear, of all the times she'd been teased;
Akane said, "Thank you, Ranma.  I really am pleased."
Then coughed, "Not to suggest that I even do care;
Look to your left, there's a gift for you there."

Taking the package, Ranma started to toil;
The container was sealed, wrapped up tightly in foil.
When she saw what it was, her grin stretched so far;
It was a small thermos, stenciled with "S. R."

"With this," Akane said, "Your mother won't have a daughter;
Since you'll always have, your own supply of hot water."
Getting to her feet, Ranma steadied her nerves;
Using her gift, she lost all of her curves.

The guy and the girl, each looked in their eyes;
Each's own heartbeat, really on the rise.
Akane glanced up, and suddenly went white;
Quickly Ranma turned, and nearly jumped in fright.

For there on the ceiling, for all to be seen;
Was a spot of mistletoe, red berries and green.
Nothing they could do, nowhere to go;
Ranma was trapped, he shouted out "Doh!"

For a long moment, their faces did show;
A bright red colour, more then a healthy glow.
From the yardarm, each would rather be hung;
Then willingly give the other, just a little tongue.

Finally, both muttered, "Oh, what the heck;"
And leaned to give the other, just a tiny peck.
Even such a simple thing, they couldn't get straight;
For they met with their lips, (it must have been fate.)

Sweet as it was, it sure didn't last;
Three seconds later, there came a ki-blast.
Ryoga and Ukyou, Kodachi there too;
Everyone else, the whole group and the zoo.

In through the wall hole, the gang did then pour;
Ranma scooped up Akane, and bolted for the door.
It was smarter to run, much safer to flee;
For everyone there, was filled with jealousy.

Then the group all chanted, as they chased them from sight;
"A Merry Christmas to all...and come on you two, let's fight!"

Thus comes to an end, this really bad fic;
I sure need a break man, I think my mind's sick.
Writing this piece, I really must wonder;
How long it will take, for friends to put me under.