Ranma 1/100th Vol 2. Chapter 3 Your Wish is My Command Credits: Produced by: Horde O' Hentai, Literature Division Darren Demaine: Chairman of the Horde, President for Life (Chance of parole in 20 years) Lee (Grey Wolf): Pun Minister, Guy we rub for luck Rob (Barbarian): P.U. Officer, Breath weapon specialist Craig (Dr. Ruminahui): Minister without parole Series concept: Darren Demaine Written by: Darren Demaine Based on works by: Takahashi Rumiko-megamisama Recap: Thanks to Happosai (and Ranma), Akane now undergoes a personality shift when she gets hit by water. As well, an old adversary of her's has shown up, seeking revenge for something. And if that wasn't enough, there's still the up-coming dance to occupy people's attentions... ---------------- Having been given a period of self study by Hinako-sensei, the members of year 1, class F were busy talking, gossiping, and otherwise making a mockery of their education. Most of the girls were clustered in small groups talking about the upcoming dance while the guys wandered by themselves or read the latest Shonen Sunday. "Oh man, you wouldn't believe the trouble I've had trying to get ready," Yuka told her group. "When I got to the store, all the best dresses had already been picked over." Sayuri shook her head. "You think you've got problems; I just about had to threaten Hiroshi-kun before he agreed to think about getting a suit. Imagine me spending my Sunday dragging him around the mall making sure he didn't pick up anything horrendous." She rolled her eyes. "I mean, it's a good thing Furinkan has uniforms, otherwise I wouldn't want to imagine what the boys would wear normally." With the sound of vicious giggling suddenly emanating from the group, a selection of boys cast disparaging glances their way. "Why do we put up with this?" Hiroshi asked. "Because the ribbing we'd give anyone didn't show up with a date would be even worse," Daisuke replied, miffed. Once the giggling died down to manageable levels, one of the girls turned to the one that was differently dressed. "Ukyou-san? Have you gotten a date yet?" Wearing her boy's uniform, Ukyou leaned back and stared daggers at someone. "Well...despite the fact the guy who _should_ have asked me is going with someone else-" Ranma buried his head deeper behind his manga in a vain attempt to remain out of the conversation. "I found someone who's more then willing." "Really? Who?" Ukyou seemed to lose her pride, and licked her lips uneasily. "Uh...M-Mousse." "Mousse!?" Akane gasped, amazed. "W-well, you know how it is-" "You mean that cute Chinese guy who seems so devoted to that Shampoo?" another girl asked. "Um...ah...yeah...." "And you got him to ask you out?" "Well, it's not really-" "Ukyou-san! I'm so impressed!" "How'd you do it?!" "He's _so_ cute!" "It's not like that!" Ukyou cried, blushing red. "It's just that...well-" One of the girls leaned over and gently nudged the okonomiyaki girl, a sly grin on her face. "You managed to turn his attention from a woman like Shampoo; frankly, I'm jealous." "It's not what you think!" Ukyou shouted as the group descended into giggles again. "He just wants to be there since Shampoo is going." Another girl looked over at Ranma, then glanced at Akane sympathetically. "You mean Saotome-kun asked Shampoo? How insensitive." While Akane went red, a whole bunch of girls glared over at Ranma. He angrily dropped his manga and glared back. "Hey! Let's get one thing straight here, I did not ask Shampoo to the damn dance!" "That's right," Hiroshi said, coming to his friend's defence. "He asked Kuno Kodachi." All that did was garner Ranma even more feminine glares. He big sweated. "Speaking of this, who is Shampoo going to the dance with?" Daisuke asked, looking at the other guys in confusion. Off to one side, Gosunkugi blanched and managed to turn even paler. "Hey, Gosunkugi," someone called. "Didn't I see you talking to her at the Nekohanten?" "Um...yeah..." "So did she tell you anything? Who asked her out?" "Um..well...s-she's going...going with..." He glanced around once, trembling slightly. "...me." "WHAT!?" the class yelled. Instantly the poor boy was surrounded by impressed guys, all looking at him in amazement. "You're kidding!" "I wish-" "Way to go, Gosunkugi!" "I didn't know you had it in you!" "Getting a hot tigress like Shampoo as your date, I'm impressed!" "How'd you do it man?" "I didn't have a choice," he wailed, trying to turn a helpless gaze towards Akane. "Now, now," Hiroshi said, "don't be modest." "No! I really didn't have a choice! I didn't ask her, she told me to take her!" Daisuke patted his shoulder like an old chum. "Ah, you rarely see such modesty in one so successful." While the guys crowded around the now popular loser, Ukyou turned her attention elsewhere. "Akane-chan? I've finally got some free time today, and I was wondering if you'd like to help me do some dress shopping?" Akane nodded, smiling. "That sounds like fun. Just as long as we get done early enough so I cook dinner." Ukyou blinked once. "Y-you mean you're cooking dinner for Ran-chan?" With that, she turned to Ranma and put a great big smile on her face. "So, when will you be over for supper?" "Don't worry about it Ucchan," Ranma said, placing a hand on Akane's shoulder. "I'm actually looking forward to Akane's dinner." "You are?" "Sure, after all, the forecast calls for showers today, and I know Akane forgot her umbrella." He was all smiles. "See, everything'll work out fine." Underneath his hand, one of Akane's fists was clenched tightly, trembling with power and rage. Ranma suddenly became aware of this, but even as removed his hand Akane let out a defeated sigh and relaxed her fist. "I guess it will. Excuse me." Quietly she got to her feet and left the room. "Ran-chan," Ukyou whispered as she leaned close. "Is everything OK with Akane-chan?" "Huh?" "I mean she looked a little depressed just now. You two aren't having another fight are you?" Ranma looked confused, then smiled uneasily. "Naw...it's just a phase she's going through. She's fine." he repeated to himself as he left the school grounds later. Hands behind his head and his eyes cast skyward, he paid no attention to the crowds around him. He frowned for a moment as he tried to recall how he'd felt for the first few weeks after he'd been cursed. His memory of his feelings was murky, much like his memory of the day's lesions. He recalled being annoyed, angry, upset...that was only natural. After all the curse still made him annoyed and angry, usually when Kuno was somewhere near. Aside from that, he couldn't remember feeling anything else. he decided, letting people pass him by. Caught up in his internal monologue, Ranma nearly walked into the person standing in front of him. Catching himself at the last second, he stopped and blinked in surprise. "S-sorry! I didn't see-" "Ranma-sama," Kodachi said as she stood before him. "You need not apologize, since it is fated that we run into each other." "R-really? I didn't think the dance was for another couple of days...." "Ah, but I couldn't wait any longer. My heart burns with love, and I need you now." "What?!" he yelped, quickly putting his back to the nearest tree. She advanced on him, drawing a ribbon from behind her back and gazing at him with narrowed, calculating eyes. He put his hands up to placate her, trying to decide if he should just make a break for it. "K-Kodachi, I think we should talk about-" "Don't move!" she shouted. Ranma froze, arms extended towards her. With a sudden flourish, she was upon him, ribbon in hand. "Hmm...arm length, chest diameter...what size of shirt do you wear, Ranma-sama?" Blinking, Ranma suddenly noticed that she was actually wielding a measuring tape, and getting the proportions of his body. "Uh, what's all this for?" He asked. She looked up at him, eyes sparkling. "Why to help you pick out a proper suit for the dance, my dearest Ranma-sama." He groaned internally; he hated shopping. Most guys already disliked shopping, but he had a real loathing of it, mostly because for one reason or another he had the tendency to end up trying on girls' clothes. Even if he didn't want to. Especially if he didn't want to. "Come on now Kodachi, I'm perfectly capable of picking out something to wear-" "Oh, I know that," she agreed, cutting him off. "A man like you is a master of all things and knows exactly what will attract the attention of women." "So I'm glad we agree-" "But you must understand that this is no ordinary event," she continued, ignoring him. "This is to be a public display of the bonds of love between us." "What bonds of love?!" he demanded. "Why the strong red string that binds our hearts together my dear. We shall be on presentation before all the other girls who think they lay claim to your heart. It is up to me, your one true love to ensure that we appear as the perfect couple, alike in body as our two souls no doubt join faultlessly into one." She became all starry eyed and clasped her hands before her. "I can just see it now, how perfect we look as we compliment each other on the dance floor. How the love that is evident between us can now be seen by all the others, and how your other, false suitors, will rise to new heights of jealousy." Kodachi finished her daydream and began tugging on his arm. "Come Ranma-sama! Off to the tailors with you!" Ranma gulped. He had no desire to see anybody reach new heights of jealousy over him; he had enough trouble with the current levels. * * * Despite her earlier reluctance, once she started shopping Ukyou seemed to be quite interested in the upcoming dance. With Akane in tow, the long-haired girl flew through stores and clothes. "I think this is a nice one, don't you? Wait, how about that cute yellow piece over there? Do you think it should be an off the shoulder one, or perhaps something without arms?" Akane watched this frantic display of energy with a single drop of sweat running down her hair. "M-my Ukyou, you certainly are...energetic about this, aren't you?" Running up to Akane carrying at least two dresses on each arm, Ukyou had a big grin on her face and a scary light gleaming from her eyes. "I spent most of life pretending to be a guy; how often do you think I had a chance to really go shopping? I'm just making up for lost time." Having said that, she dumped the dresses into Akane's hands and darted back towards another rack. "Could you check the sizes on those for me? There's just so many here, I can't decide!" Akane began sorting out the dresses while Ukyou kept up her frantic pace, occasionally asking questions. "Oh, I never heard, who's your sister going with? "You'll never believe it Ukyou, but apparently Nabiki-oneechan got asked out by Ryoga-kun." Hearing that piece of news managed to stop Ukyou in her tracks for a second, her eyes wide and a dress dangling from one hand. "Ryoga?" she returned, stunned. Akane nodded in reply and Ukyou turned her head away in amazement. "I never knew he went for older women." "Me neither, although I think it has more to do with his running feud with Ranma. What it is I can't imagine, but it seems that if Ranma is involved somehow, Ryoga wants to be competing against him. They're such idiots about it." Ukyou thought to herself, giving the other girl a long look from the corner of her eyes. After a moment, she decided on a slightly different approach. "You know," she began slyly, "if he ever asked me, I think I'd go out with Ryoga." "Really Ukyou?" "Oh come on Akane, don't tell me that you've never thought Ryoga is kinda cute." Akane's cheeks got a little red as she focused her eyes on the dresses before her. "Well actually...I guess..." "Come on, a naive, eternally lost boy like him, looking so darlingly pathetic...Doesn't it make you just want to mother the poor boy to death?" "I suppose..." "And he's so sweet, kind, and patient." Ukyou pressed. "He really does know how to make one feel like a girl." <"...feel like a girl."> Akane's mind repeated. Her head lowered as she heard other words ringing in her ears. <"...learn how to really be a girl, learn how to really be a girl, learn how to really-"> "Akane?" Ukyou asked, her face inches away from the other's, a concerned expression showing. Akane jumped in surprise and looked guiltily at her. "Y-yes?" "Are you OK? You've seemed kinda of depressed recently; did you and Ran-chan have another fight?" Akane licked her lips slightly. "N-no, that's not it," she lied. "It's just that...I haven't been feeling myself recently." A moment later, she considered what she'd said and coloured slightly. She waved her hand, bushing the incident aside. "Enough about me, you're the one who's got to pick out a dress, and I think that this style is definitely you..." "Oh! It's perfect! Without a doubt, it is you!" Gazing at himself in the three full-length mirrors before him, Ranma grunted something noncommittal in reply. After first being used as a beast of burden to carry all of Kodachi's purchases, she'd then lured him into a men's clothing store and ambushed him with style after style of suits for him to try on. While Kodachi and the salesperson engaged each other in a verbal duel over the advantages and drawbacks of lapels, cuff-lengths, and accessories, Ranma had been forced into one monkey suit after another. To him, they all looked the same and were just as uncomfortable, but his tormentors assured him that progress towards the perfect cut of cloth was being made. Looking himself over, he had to admit that at least he didn't look as stupid as when he wore a dress. Kodachi stood behind him and gave his jacket a sharp tug at the shoulders, then looked into the triple reflections. "Yes, this is perfect. Finally, you have a suit that truly shows off the man you are, Ranma-sama." "Great," Ranma replied, already trying to slough off the jacket. Kodachi pulled it back on him and leaned against his shoulders, gazing dreamily at their reflections. "Ah, you shall be the centre of attention at the dance, Ranma-sama. They will see how our clothes complement and enhance the other's, much as our two souls come together and melt into a thing of beauty greater then either of us could produce on our own. Our oneness will cause the other girls nothing but fits of uncontrollable jealously as they observe how we were meant to be together." Having far too much experience with jealous girls, Ranma wasn't quite so looking forward to that happening as Kodachi seemed to be. "If we're done, I'd like to change." He extracted himself from the gasp of the gymnast (that in itself, no mean feat), and entered a changing booth. While Kodachi now turned her verbal duelling skills to the matter of the price, Ranma slid the curtain closed behind him. He took off the suit, all the while muttered to himself. "Man, why am I always dragged into stupid stuff like this? It is kinda nice being the centre of attention, but I do wish the girls wouldn't try and run my life. Can't they trust me to make up my own mind?" Fumbling around with own clothes he heard the sounds of someone walking around outside, checking the booths. "Just a sec," he grumbled to the salesperson outside. "I'll be dressed and outta your hair in a minute-" "Why Ranma-sama, that would never do," a voice, definitely not the salesperson's, responded. He spun around to see Kodachi step between the curtains, then slide them closed. Clasping her hands before her, she looked longingly at the figure before her. It was only after blinking in surprise a few times that Ranma remembered he was only half-dressed. "Hey! How about a little privacy here!" "But my darling Ranma-sama, we are to be together as one!" "Together as one?!" "Yes, it was you who asked me to the dance was it not? And there we shall be a couple acting as if of one mind." thought Ranma in relief, "Yeah, we are, but that doesn't mean-" "And I'll also be your future bride as well," she continued. Ranma winced visibly. "We should have no secrets between us. Come darling, let me help you dress." The Black Rose moved in towards him and Ranma quickly backed away as far as the enclosed space would allow. "Come on," he smiled weakly at the approaching girl, his hands held before him in an attempt to keep her at bay. "I'm perfectly capable of dressing myself!" It was a vain attempt; she slipped in between his arms and succeeded in cornering her prey. "Really now, Ranma-sama, men like yourself are always so foolish when it comes to clothing. Let me help you..." Although she talked about dressing him, her hands seemed to have minds of their own. For his part, Ranma did what he always did when he was half-naked and holding a girl in his arms: he looked around to see if any of his other fiancees were watching. The salesperson outside looked rather bored at the rustling, giggling, and angry replies that came from one of the booths. "Stop that!" "But they're just so big!" "Not so loud!" "I can't believe how manly they are! Oniisama has nothing on you, Ranma-sama." "Would you leave my biceps alone! HEY! Don't touch that!" "How else are we to get your pants off? You have nothing to be shy about." "How would you know?!" "Well, I could check right now-" Anything further was cut off as Ranma leapt three meters straight up into the air. Once cleared the top of the booth, he leaned forwards and grabbed the rail that held up the curtain. Swinging himself over the front, he hit the ground running and sped for the door. Stripping off the dress pants, he tossed them to the salesperson and shot out into the hall, dressed only in his boxers and undershirt. "Thank you; please come again," the salesperson said. Ranma shot out the doors and looked around the plaza quickly; the faster he reached an exit, the better. A woman pushing a baby stroller through the crowds glanced over at him, paused, then screamed. "Eekk!! A streaker!" she pointed. "Hey!" Ranma returned, getting angry as the crowds started to point and whisper among themselves. "I'm still wearing underwear!" "Eekk!" another woman cried. "A bashful streaker!" Ranma face-faulted. An old man sitting nearby glanced up to see what the crowd was making such a fuss over. After a moment he sadly shook his head. "What is it with youth today? Why in my time, a man had the gumption to go through with his plans. When we streaked, by God, we did it buck naked!" "I'm not...! This isn't...! Aw forget it," Ranma muttered, finally giving up on explaining things. He set himself and rushed back into the store. From inside the shop sounds of insane joyous laughter could be heard, followed by some angry retorts. A few moments and some sounds of scuffling later, he stormed out; his face flushed with anger and his hands busy tying his shirt closed. Ranma thought to himself, pushing his way through the crowds. Shouldering through, he wasn't at all concerned with being polite, only in putting some distance between him and his current problem. He kept glancing behind to see if the Black Rose was following, and accidently walked into someone's back. "Hey!" the person turned around to face him. "Watch it buster!" "Sorry," Ranma replied, still looking behind him. Not seeing the younger Kuno for the moment, he turned forwards, still talking, "I didn't mean to- AAA! YOU!" Surprised, Bofu Ongyoko looked up at him, her features turning from anger to surprise at his words. "Have we met before?" Ranma blinked a couple of times. "Uh, no. W-we haven't met. I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. See ya." He hurried away, only to have Ongyoko grab onto his arm and drag him to a halt. Her anger was gone and a smile, far too sweet to have any true feeling behind it, was present on her face. "Now now, don't rush off. I'm sorry if I got angry at you; that was rude of me." Her eyes narrowed for a moment and she asked slyly, "My name's Bofu Ongyoko, what's yours?" "Uh...Saotome Ranma." "Yes." she continued, sounding very satisfied with herself. "I thought so." "Huh?" For an instant, she looked worried at her slip of the tongue, then she blinked and smiled disarmingly. "Oh nothing! It's just that I've heard just so much about you! Why, you go to Furinkan High School, don't you?" "Uh, yeah," he replied, non-pulsed. Quickly, Ranma began trying to remove his arm from her grasp. "Look, it was nice meeting you, but I've got to get going-" "What's your rush Ranma-san? You bumped into me, I think the least you should do is offer me a cup of coffee in return." She smiled up at him, blatantly showing that oh-so cute shine in her eyes that he himself had used while in girl form far too often on the Blue Thunder. In the background the song, 'Nothing you say can take me away from my guy,' could be heard. Ranma glanced over his shoulder and sure enough, Ongyoko's band was standing there, providing the accompanying music. A slightly irked look on his face, Ranma turned back to the girl holding his arm. "Um, really now, I don't have time-" As he spoke, Ongyoko's face fell and tears began to form in the corners of her large, green eyes. "I-I understand," she said, letting go of his arm and beginning to sniffle. "You don't like me. I-I can accept that. Well, thank you for talking to me anyway." She turned slightly away and wiped her eyes. The band slowed down into 'Crying over you.' "Look," Ranma replied somewhat testily, "I don't have time for this. I just want you to understand that-" "Ranma-sama!? Where are you?" Kodachi's questing voice interrupted him. "-I'd love to have coffee with you," he finished suddenly, an urgent note now accenting his words. Grabbing Ongyoko's arm, he quickly started to walk away. The Black Rose, looking for a lone male, skipped by, ribbon trailing and laugh echoing. Instantly Ongyoko's tears disappeared and she returned his grasp tightly, a big smile on her face. "Oh thank you, Ranma-san! I know just the place!" Acting all bubbly and cute, she lead the way while he tried to look inconspicuous. Clinging tightly to his arm, she spewed out a string of inane girlish chatter, all the while Ranma more worried about losing Kodachi then actually paying attention. They sat down at the mall's coffee shop; Ongyoko ordered a cup while Ranma just asked for water. The band settled in nearby and began playing Old Friends by Simon and Garfunkel; ignoring the people who occasionally tossed money at their feet. "Tell me, Ranma-san," Ongyoko said, "what are you doing here? I've never seen you at this mall before." "It is kinda outta my way," he agreed, watching the crowd. "But I got dragged here because she said it has some of the better shops in the district." "Really? Is there a reason why you'd need some good clothes?" Ongyoko seemed a little too interested in the question, but Ranma was too busy watching over his shoulder to notice. "Naw, not really. It's just that there's this dumb dance at my school and she decided that I needed a better suit then what I already got." "So, there's going to be a dance at your school." Ongyoko said, a small, sinister smile touching her lips as she digested this little bit of information. After a moment, she looked up at him and asked, "I take it this 'she' you keep mentioning is the person you're going to the dance with, isn't it?" "Uh, yeah," he replied, his attention still focused on scanning the crowd. Her grin turned a little cold at this point. "And this 'girl' is of course...your...girlfriend?" Ranma jumped at the suggestion and quickly turned back to face Ongyoko. "NO! She's not my girlfriend!" he said loudly. People turned to look at the outburst and Ranma went a little red. "Come on now," Ongyoko continued once people returned to their own conversations. "Surely you're joking. You spend so much time with her, she must be your girlfriend." Ranma shook his head with vigour. "Look, I'm telling you, just because I'm going with her doesn't mean that we're together! Despite what she might think, we are not a couple." Ongyoko leaned back in her chair, gazing at him with confusion. "Are you telling me that you're really not interested in her at all?" "Like I said, I don't have time for that. She's a friend, a strange one I'll grant you, but just a friend." "You're just friends." "That's right," he returned, glancing over his shoulder again. Still no sign of Kodachi. "Nothing more," unnoticed to Ranma, Ongyoko's voice had taken on a rather quiet, dangerous air to it. "You got it," he started to turn back to face Ongyoko. "So now that's out of the way, I want to talk to you about-" In the middle of his sentence Ongyoko unleashed an upper-cut from out of nowhere to the bottom of his chin. The blow lifted Ranma clear off his seat and dumped him on his butt. "Hey! What the hell was that-" "BAKA-YARO!" Ongyoko yelled as she began to stomp him into the floor with quite some vigour. "What the hell was I wasting my time talking to you for?! How am I suppose to drive a wedge between you and Tendo if you're not her boyfriend!!" During a momentary pause in the abuse, Ranma leapt to his feet and angrily towered over her. "What's this about Akane!? I thought we were talking about Kodachi!" Hearing this, Ongyoko stopped. She reached up and grabbed him tightly by his collar. "Let's get this straight; you're not going to this dance with Tendo?" "No!" "You hang out with her a lot." "Well, yeah but-" "She's going to this dance, right?" "Yes, but-" "And you're not going with her?" "No," a new voice answered. "He's going with me." Surprised, Ongyoko turned to look at the newcomer; Ranma just winced. The band started Alanna Myles' 'Lover of mine.' "Release my darling Ranma-sama this instant, peasant," Kodachi instructed. "He is mine." "She's your girlfriend?" Ongyoko asked, still clutching his collar. "No she isn't!" Ranma shouted. "Of course she isn't, I am." Ranma could feel his life categorizing itself to pass before his eyes as Ukyou spoke. She dropped in from the upper level of the mall to stand beside Kodachi, a parcel in one hand, her kick-ass spatula in the other, and a rather annoyed look on her face. The band faltered for a beat, then slipped into 'I got a new girl now.' Ignoring the two girls for the moment, Ongyoko turned back to face the guy she was holding in her grip. "Am I to understand that you're chasing these two girls? And not Tendo?" Ranma opened his mouth to say something, anything, but Kodachi beat him to the punch. "Tendo Akane means less then nothing to _my_ Ranma-sama. How could he even think about someone like her when he has the epitome of demure femineity that is I." "Besides," Ukyou added, "He's my innazuke." After a few moments of dead silence digesting these rather interesting facts, Ongyoko decided that enough was enough. "Baka!" she shouted, landing a solid blow on Ranma's cheek that sent him crashing down at the feet of the other girls. "If I can't use you, then I don't have time to waste talking to you!" Her band in tow and playing 'You can't hide your lying eyes,' she stormed off. One hand on his stinging cheek, Ranma wavered to his feet, right between the two angry girls. Uneasily, he looked around for a moment. "Um, wasn't Akane suppose to be shopping with you Ucchan?" "Oh that. Yeah, she was with me; right up till we saw you having coffee with that hussy. Then she left." "She did?" he asked, unbelievingly and a little glad. "Yeah, she said I could do a good enough job of knocking some sense into you; she'd take over once you got home." Ukyou waved the comment aside. "Now Ran-chan, what exactly were you doing with that girl?" Kodachi nodded. "Yes, Ranma-sama; while it is true you are irresistible to women, you must remember that you are mine." Ukyou blinked and angrily turned to face the other. "Hey! What do you mean he's yours? He's mine!" she demanded. Kodachi laughed. "OHOHOHO! Really now, what does friendship have to do with a life of true love built between a man and a woman? As you'll soon see, Ranma-sama and I were made to be together." "That'll be the day," Ukyou returned threateningly. Ranma stepped in between the two. "Come on now, I really don't think we have to-" He didn't finish the sentence as both girls casually clobbered him on the chin, their angry gaze never leaving the other as he slid to the floor once again. "Later Ran-chan." "Not now, Ranma-sama." * * * Leaning heavily on an improvised cane, Ranma slid aside the door and staggering into the Tendo's entryway. "Taidaima," he forced out through bruised lips. he thought with disgust. "Well that's it!" he shouted at the inner wall. "I'm not going to take any more of this from any girl! If any one of them wants to complain about what I do with my life, I'll show 'em who's boss!" "Welcome home Ranma," Akane said as she walked around the corner, a polite smile on her face. Instantly Ranma leapt up into the corner of the room farthest from her, sudden irrational fear replacing his bravado. "A-A-Akane, I-I can explain-" She just smiled up at him, a serene, blissful look on her face. "If you'd like to come down from the ceiling, I have dinner all ready for you." "Heh?" Ranma uttered, his eyes wide. Akane had already turned and was walking away; after a moment he jumped down from his perch and fell in behind her. "Uh...I guess you got splashed with some cold water since you came home?" he asked cautiously. Akane put one hand to her mouth and gave a soft, feminine laugh. "My, is it that noticeable?" "Uh, no! Not really! Well, actually..." They entered the main room and sat down, Akane filling Ranma's bowl with food that made his mouth water from just smelling it. "I accidently stepped in front of that nice old woman who waters her stoop. I'm sorry, it was so clumsy of me." Ranma laughed uneasily. "Don't worry about it. Happens to me all the time." He accepted his bowl from her and took a deep breath; even though the curse had increased her cooking skills to palatable levels, it still took an act of will for Ranma to overcome months of painful conditioning. The first bite was the hardest, but after that he began to shovel the meal in with his characteristic speed and lack of table manners. Akane looked on, smiling as he singlehandedly demolished everything edible in the room. Finished, Ranma put his bowl down and collapsed on the floor, sighing contentedly. "Ahhhhhh..." Closing his eyes, he savoured the taste of the supper as Akane started to clean up the table. "I hope dinner was to your liking." "I ate it all didn't I?" he responded. "Yes, I'm so glad you did." Ranma shifted uncomfortably. He sat up and looked over at her as she cleared off the last of his mess. "Umm...Akane, I'd like to talk to you about what happened at the mall. You know, that girl I was with." Akane looked over at him, a sorrowful look on her face. "Gomen Ranma. I don't mean to be rude, but I have to go shopping right now. Perhaps we can talk when I get back." Blinking in amazement, Ranma stared at her stupidly. "Uh, yeah, OK," he muttered, surprised. "Say," he muttered as a thought struck him. "Why are you going out now? I mean you were at the mall today, what is it you need?" "Oh, since I returned home I found that I'm in need of some new undergarments." She blushed and looked down modestly. "I'm afraid that I only have the pair I'm wearing left." "Nani? What are you talking about? You have lots of underwear!" He turned a little red and began to intimately study the table top. "N-not that I'd know mind you..." "Well, since Happosai-ojisama asked if he could have all my underwear I'm afraid I'm out of extras." She innocently glanced off into space for a moment. "He was so pleased to get them for some reason." The sound that echoed through the room was that of Ranma face-faulting. Eventually he found a voice for his thoughts. "Y-you gave...gave...Happosai all your underwear?" She cocked her head at him in an open, trusting manner. "Yes. He was so polite when he asked for them. Do you think there was a reason I shouldn't have given it to him?" Ranma sprang to his feet and took an angry breath, his face crumpled into a grimace. "Wait here," he grumbled to her as he disappeared into the hallway. Curious, Akane watched him go, then calmly took a sip of her tea. "JIJI!" Ranma's voice echoed back into the main room. "Ranma! So nice to see you! Look at what lovely panties and brassieres Akane-chan gave me today!" "Give them here!" "Nani!?" "I said give them to me you old freak!" Akane took another calm sip as the shouting match continued. "Ranma! You don't mean...that...that..." "That's right old man." "You're going to start your own panty collection!?" What followed was a moment of silence long enough for someone to have face-faulted. "I am NOT collecting them!!" "Why else would you want them? Are you going to wear them?" There was a moment of silence perfect for a another face-fault. "I am NOT going to wear them!" "And why not? I think you'd look lovely in this nice lace one, don't you?" "Just give them back!" "We really should find out." "Jiji! Put that bucket down-!" As Akane refilled her cup of tea, a splash echoed through the house. "Oh my, " she muttered as she put the kettle down, "I hope they didn't get the mats wet. They're so hard to dry properly." "AAAAHHHHH!" Ranma-chan's notably higher voice cried out. "That's too tight!!!" "Nonsense! Once I get the clasp done, everything will be fine!" "Baka-yaro! I can't fit into that flat-chested tomboy's bras! AAAAHHHH!!" "It seem's you're right, Ranma. I guess you're just a whole lota woman. And in all the right places too!" "I am NOT a girl!! I'm a boy!! AAAAHHH!! Stop hugging my breasts!!" Seemingly oblivious to the screaming and other noise emanating from the lower guest room, Akane calmly drank her tea. It was only after Ranma-chan ran down the hallway, shirtless, screaming, and with the old goat planted firmly between her breasts did Akane look up, deep in thought. "Maybe I should pick up some underwear for Ranma while I'm out. That way she wouldn't have to annoy Happosai about borrowing mine." [to be cont.] ____________ Authors Notes: All the author can do at this point is beg forgiveness for the intolerable delay. Aside from writer's block, I'm also a lazy bastard and those two facts when combined led to me one simple conclusion: Not much separates me from a professional writer. ^_^ Other then the fact I'm not getting paid for this. So, unless someone wants to send me cash just out of the goodness of their hearts, I'll stop my pathetic whining and hopefully get back to writing this. Darren Demaine Chairman of the Horde Horde O' Hentai Productions